Jeff Bridges "The Dude" - Skin cells $10.95, Bacteria $6.75.Dead soldier
Who knew that Barney's penis was a belly dancer?Fodder. Well, well. You scored a whopping 188 points. |
Congrats, you stupid bastard. You're zombie fodder, future flesh to be eaten by hordes of the undead. You're a danger to other survivors, and usually you're whiny. Buck up, though. Most people fall into this category, so you're pretty normal. If you're into that sort of thing. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Zombie Awareness Test written by johndoe137 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
Ipso facto
Ergo
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873... Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865. You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians... Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa. You say: You're being defensive.
You say: Since the discovery of the incandescent light bulb... Your opponent says: The light bulb is an invention. You say: Well DUH!
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
How cute is he!?!Dear Lisa,
Thank you for your application for Phoebe. I am very sorry but Phoebe has not been
consistently well behaved around children and given Noah's age, I don't think she
will be a good match for your family. I encourage you to continue looking for
a rescue dog and do hope you understand why Phoebe will not work for your family.
Kathryn
Pet Haven
| You are Claypot |
 You are down to earth, and well connected to al your senses. For you, life is about the simple pleasures - like going to a great concert or enjoying a bottle of wine. Your warmth and zest for life tends to make everyone feel connected with you. |
Stan and Jesse getting ready at Paul's house.
Paul was totally screwed.
Lisa gorges on human flesh before "the gathering."
The gathering. 350 zombies strong. 
Stan is the cutest zombie ever. Note his human flesh snack.
I had Paul's cat for a snack.
My spray bottle of blood was the hit of the crawl.
Stan brains are the tastiest!!!
| Your Theme Song is Fight for Your Right by the Beastie Boys |
 "Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?" Aw, mom you're just jealous - it's the Beastie Boys!" You love to party hard and cause a little trouble... And you're too busy getting wasted to move out of your parents' house! |
Stan's Family with the bride.
Noah and Monica
The Most Handsome Keathly Family.
Momma and Noah on the Dance Floor.
Stan!
Bunny Raiders of the Lost Ark
"Mom? My diaper is full."
Rockin' the 'gosh 'b-gosh.
Chick magnet.
I know it looks like I'm taking a crap on the window, but I'm really just flashing my grandma panties. . . to Hennepin Avenue.
Let's just hope the wedding reception pictures are half as fun. . .
Done badly, Gothic makeup and dress can look painfully stupid. The following are some suggestions for how to do it well.
1. Whiteface should create the illusion that you really are that pale, and not that you have a bunch of makeup from Wallgreen's caked all over your face. If you have dark skin, don't try to do whiteface unless you're going for a very stylized harlequin look or are willing to put makeup on all exposed skin areas. Try using a base just one or two shades lighter than your own color, and then put white powder over it. This will give you an ethereal, almost grayish cast.
After spending money on a decent base, take the trouble to apply it evenly. It's appalling how many Goths overlook something so basic and vital to their entire aesthetic. Equally bad and unfortunately as common is the tendency to overpowder and to end one's pallor at the jawbone. Such mistakes are just inexcusably stupid. Don't make them.
2. On the subject of eyeliner, liquid is better, but if your hands shake, by all means use the most expensive pencil you can afford. Cheap pencils go on faint and will smudge after an hour. Do something original with your eye makeup: cobwebs or bat wings drawn across the cheek look silly on anyone over the age of fifteen. On those under fifteen, however, such adornments are sure to attract the lecherous attention of jaded Goths in their late twenties and early thirties who will probably give you free speed if you prove sufficiently pliable.
3. Find a shade of lipstick not everyone else is wearing. Theatrical supply stores are the best for really deep shades of congealed-blood red. Apply it with a lip brush for a more precise and severe effect.
4. Strive for originality in your costume. For those doing vintage looks, realize that both the eighteenth century and the Victorian era have been done to death. The Twenties, Thirties, and Forties are largely untapped by Goths and have great potential. One could dress as an emaciated, opium-addicted flapper from the Aleister Crowley set or pose as the Black Dahlia, a would-be actress from the Forties whose gimmick was that she dyed her hair black and would wear only black clothing; her ghastly mutilation and murder remain unsolved to this day. Also remember that black is not the only color. Deep blues, grays, and greens, as well as blood-red, purple, and ivory, can be equally striking.
5. If you have scars on your wrists from suicide attempts, by all means display them proudly. The same goes for bruises, cuts, and track marks. Abscesses, however, should always be coyly veiled in filmy black fabric.
Your Gothic look should be as opulent, decadent, and original as possible. If you're not up to making the necessary effort to carry off this most high-maintenance of affectations, try wearing plaid shirts and listening to Nirvana instead.
Hello Neighbors!
As I write this, the day after National Night Out, the sky is blue and the weather is beautiful. Note to self: next time postpone the event if it's raining! Despite the rain, we had a record turn out for National Night Out and earned bragging rights as the toughest block in the neighborhood.
Here are the Winners from our Games:
Angie and Yolanda each won a $5 gift certificate to Dabble in the pass the orange contest.
Yolanda won the egg relay race and distributed the 10 MN Twins vouchers.
Max won the checkers competition and a $20 gift certificate for Snap!
Mike and Peggy won 30 minute massages from Keathly Massage in the water balloon toss.
Noah won dance classes from Zenon Dance Company in the coloring contest.
The food was paid for by donations from residents, Target and Cub.
Special thanks to:
Mirellia for too many things to list.
Mary for contacting local businesses for donations.
Jesse and Angie for setting up their tarps and for use of their grill and coolers.
Michelle and Jesse for grilling.
Carol for use of the tables (and making such delicious beans!)
Harvey, Stan and Mike for keeping the tarps up!
Mike, Harvey, Mirellia, Jesse, Angie, etc. for helping with setup and tear down.
All neighbors for their donations, assistance, food and willingness to party in the rain.
Visit the website for the Northeast Citizen Patrol. All types of volunteer work is needed and donations would be greatly appreciated. Help support this great organization that is working hard to make your neighborhood a safer place to live!
Yolanda is going to keep us all in touch with a neighborhood e-mail group. If you would like to be included, please e-mail her at: womacky4@yahoo.com. She will keep us posted on news in the area and send out any news/information/invitations you would like shared with your neighbors.
Let's all keep in touch and have a great summer!
Within a few seconds of your first puff, irritating gases (formaldehyde, ammonia and hydrogen sulphide) start to work on the sensitive membranes of your eyes, nose and throat.
As you puff away, you erode the natural cleansing process of the lungs. Your respiratory rate starts to increase, making your lungs work harder. The gases from the cigarette harm the tissues of the lungs and the airways. This causes you to cough up more mucous. The excess mucous is a breeding ground for bacteria and viruses, making you susceptible to colds, flu, bronchitis and other respiratory diseases (ergo: Lisa is deathly sick).
Farther down, inside your lungs, the smoke weakens the free-roving scavenger cells that remove foreign particles from the air sacs of the lungs.
While you are smoking, your blood pressure increases, putting more stress on heart and blood vessels.
When you smoke, carbon monoxide - the colourless, odourless, deadly gas present in car exhaust - passes immediately into your bloodstream. Carbon monoxide binds to the oxygen receptor sites (haemoglobin) and "kicks out" the oxygen molecules in your red blood cells.
Haemoglobin - the protein that feeds oxygen to organs and cells - binds itself preferentially to the carbon monoxide and can no longer carry oxygen. This means that less oxygen reaches your brain and vital organs. Your body cells need oxygen for energy so your energy levels are reduced.
After approximately 10 seconds of lighting up, nicotine has been absorbed from the lungs into the bloodstream and has been transported to the brain. It stimulates the central nervous system, increasing the heart beat rate and blood pressure: raising the heart's oxygen requirement (So it increases demand while decreasing the amount of oxygen. Nice).
If this doesn't help, somebody just cut off my index fingers so I can't hold the cigarette. That would be much appreciated.
14 days apart was torture. I will never leave you alone again. I hearts you internets.
