Brokeback Lizard's Super Troopers

This is for Peanut and Weirdo.

Bored update

Tonight I got my nose repierced at the Ink Lab. After 12 years of not having my nose pierced, I was a little nervous about my memories of the pain level. It hurt a bit more than I remembered, but it was fast and I love it.

Noah said it looked good and then he asked me if he could kiss it. I have the best child EVER.

Religious people are crazy insane.

• Pajama top with breastplate of righteousness and belt of truth hem
• Pajama bottoms with wings of peace to cover feet
• Helmet of salvation
• Shield of faith pillow
• Sword of the spirit (New Testament)
• Activity coloring book

I would never, EVER buy this for Noah. And I would certainly not mistake putting this farce of a pajama set on my child and magically think that their childhood will be okay, even though I am an abusive drunk. Okay, maybe I am projecting a bit much, but this is still CRAZY INSANE. And I will be buying it for Jesse for Xmas.

I'm bored.

I need to shake things up.

I am going to get a tattoo in Hawaii when I visit little sis (either in November or February) but I am in need of something NOW. I'm jonesin' for something, but am not sure what.

Should I . . .

• Get my nose repierced?
• Pierce my ears somewhere not yet pierced?
• Get a tattoo before Hawaii?
• Buy some funky ass shoes?
  
• Commit a minor crime?
• Cut off all of my hair?
  

The opportunities seem endless, but unfortunately, my imagination is handicapped.

Some men know how to tell it like it is!!!

"Far from spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East, the Bush administration has watched while extremists grow stronger, Iran goes nuclear, Iraq falls into civil war and oil and gas prices skyrocket. Simply staying the course is unacceptable,"

- Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid of Nevada told AP.

He forgot to mention Katrina, but otherwise, Harry nailed the situation. At least someone is speaking the truth.

Bad Art

Enjoy. The Museum of Bad Art.

I want this dog

My mind is telling me now is not time for a dog. But my heart wants, wants, wants this dog:


Lucille is a two year old chihuahua beagle mix, 9 pounds and cute as heck. I'm overwhelmed by the cute that is this dog. If life was fair, it would be mine. But Noah is too young, our yard is not 100% fenced in, dogs are expensive and they poop. A lot.

Hopefully in a few years when we are ready for a dog we will be able to find one just as cute and perfectly sized. Sigh. . .

Dave & Courtney's Wedding

Here's some shots from the wedding.

Stan's Family with the bride.

Noah and Monica

The Most Handsome Keathly Family.

Momma and Noah on the Dance Floor.

Stan!

The Zombie Pub Crawl has Upped the Ante

Last year I missed the Zombie Pub Crawl so this year it's my turn to dress up and get wasted.

But now I have to choose, join the Pirates or the Zombies.

Saying "Arrr!" all night or moaning.

Wearing black eye makeup or green face paint.

Drinking rum or bloody looking Cosmos.

Votes anyone?

This is for Jacquie

Angry Alien Productions does your favorite movies in 30 second clips.

They star (are you sitting down Jacquie?) BUNNIES. Check it out.

Bunny Raiders of the Lost Ark

I can't decide which I like better: Jaws, Brokeback Mountain or Reservoir Dogs. . .

OMFG

I know I only posted like, two minutes ago, but then I found THIS.

Is this really legal on MN beaches? And can we say "Brazilian wax job?" Repeat after me class: "All hair go away!"

If so, I should totally be able to ride around with my 4 year old on a scooter. If a cop pulled me over I would just say, "Hey! Look at this picture of the bikini I wear at Calhoun Lake!" I would totally get off without a ticket. Seriously.

At least you'd know it wasn't a dude trying to look like a lady. . .

Happy B-Day Pooper!

Happy Birthday to my favorite brown eyed monster pooper.

"Mom? My diaper is full."

Rockin' the 'gosh 'b-gosh.

Chick magnet.

Thanks for putting up with me for 11 years (and counting). You are more than a best friend. You are family.

So here's to you!

Let's rock this one out, shall we?

Pride? Who said I had any pride!?!

Courtney and Dave are getting married tomorrow. In celebration, I am posting the pictures of moi from her bachelorette party.

They had these "Girl's Night Out" dare cards. Please, like I have any scruples about embarrassing myself.

First dare: Flash your panties out the window.

I know it looks like I'm taking a crap on the window, but I'm really just flashing my grandma panties. . . to Hennepin Avenue.

Second dare: Order a drink while putting on lipstick . . . badly. This one was actually a lot of fun. And no, he didn't actually lick me.


I don't have a picture of the third dare, so here's a picture of Courtney licking a beer bottle.

Let's just hope the wedding reception pictures are half as fun. . .

Life is not a movie.

This morning I was driving Noah home from his sleepover and we came upon an accident. A car had flipped over and was sitting on its roof. There were glass and toys all over the road. It had just happened. There weren't any police or rescue there yet. People were cautiously approaching the car while others were standing there, clearly in shock.

It made me think of a motorcycle accident I saw. The bike was under a car and there was a sheet covering a body on the road.

This scene in a movie might make me sad, but in real life I felt stricken.

This morning I got smacked in the face with reality. I would have preferred coffee.

Goth Make-up Tips

After all, even one lame looking Goth makes them all look bad.

Makeup Tips for the Bleak

by Lord Damien Star

[taken from Ghastly Magazine, Issue 3]

Done badly, Gothic makeup and dress can look painfully stupid. The following are some suggestions for how to do it well.

1. Whiteface should create the illusion that you really are that pale, and not that you have a bunch of makeup from Wallgreen's caked all over your face. If you have dark skin, don't try to do whiteface unless you're going for a very stylized harlequin look or are willing to put makeup on all exposed skin areas. Try using a base just one or two shades lighter than your own color, and then put white powder over it. This will give you an ethereal, almost grayish cast.

After spending money on a decent base, take the trouble to apply it evenly. It's appalling how many Goths overlook something so basic and vital to their entire aesthetic. Equally bad and unfortunately as common is the tendency to overpowder and to end one's pallor at the jawbone. Such mistakes are just inexcusably stupid. Don't make them.

2. On the subject of eyeliner, liquid is better, but if your hands shake, by all means use the most expensive pencil you can afford. Cheap pencils go on faint and will smudge after an hour. Do something original with your eye makeup: cobwebs or bat wings drawn across the cheek look silly on anyone over the age of fifteen. On those under fifteen, however, such adornments are sure to attract the lecherous attention of jaded Goths in their late twenties and early thirties who will probably give you free speed if you prove sufficiently pliable.

3. Find a shade of lipstick not everyone else is wearing. Theatrical supply stores are the best for really deep shades of congealed-blood red. Apply it with a lip brush for a more precise and severe effect.

4. Strive for originality in your costume. For those doing vintage looks, realize that both the eighteenth century and the Victorian era have been done to death. The Twenties, Thirties, and Forties are largely untapped by Goths and have great potential. One could dress as an emaciated, opium-addicted flapper from the Aleister Crowley set or pose as the Black Dahlia, a would-be actress from the Forties whose gimmick was that she dyed her hair black and would wear only black clothing; her ghastly mutilation and murder remain unsolved to this day. Also remember that black is not the only color. Deep blues, grays, and greens, as well as blood-red, purple, and ivory, can be equally striking.

5. If you have scars on your wrists from suicide attempts, by all means display them proudly. The same goes for bruises, cuts, and track marks. Abscesses, however, should always be coyly veiled in filmy black fabric.

Your Gothic look should be as opulent, decadent, and original as possible. If you're not up to making the necessary effort to carry off this most high-maintenance of affectations, try wearing plaid shirts and listening to Nirvana instead.

OK GO - Here it Goes Again

They were here 5 months ago at The Quest. Damn.

Folow up Letter For NNO

Hello Neighbors!

As I write this, the day after National Night Out, the sky is blue and the weather is beautiful. Note to self: next time postpone the event if it's raining! Despite the rain, we had a record turn out for National Night Out and earned bragging rights as the toughest block in the neighborhood.

Here are the Winners from our Games:

Angie and Yolanda each won a $5 gift certificate to Dabble in the pass the orange contest.

Yolanda won the egg relay race and distributed the 10 MN Twins vouchers.

Max won the checkers competition and a $20 gift certificate for Snap!

Mike and Peggy won 30 minute massages from Keathly Massage in the water balloon toss.

Noah won dance classes from Zenon Dance Company in the coloring contest.

The food was paid for by donations from residents, Target and Cub.

Special thanks to:

Mirellia for too many things to list.

Mary for contacting local businesses for donations.

Jesse and Angie for setting up their tarps and for use of their grill and coolers.

Michelle and Jesse for grilling.

Carol for use of the tables (and making such delicious beans!)

Harvey, Stan and Mike for keeping the tarps up!

Mike, Harvey, Mirellia, Jesse, Angie, etc. for helping with setup and tear down.

All neighbors for their donations, assistance, food and willingness to party in the rain.

Visit the website for the Northeast Citizen Patrol. All types of volunteer work is needed and donations would be greatly appreciated. Help support this great organization that is working hard to make your neighborhood a safer place to live!

Yolanda is going to keep us all in touch with a neighborhood e-mail group. If you would like to be included, please e-mail her at: womacky4@yahoo.com. She will keep us posted on news in the area and send out any news/information/invitations you would like shared with your neighbors.

Let's all keep in touch and have a great summer!

National Soaking Wet Night Out

I tell ya, nothing brings neighbors huddling together under a tarp like National Night Out. Or was that the rain?

When we were setting up the two tarp tents the rain was light and misty. When we got to the third one, the one we had covering part of the street, it was heavier. At dinner time, it was pouring. And still, no one left. They huddled together under the tents, ate the food and stuck around to play games. I had to convince people that it was okay to go inside our house to hang out/eat. Finally, some listened and hung out where it was warm and dry.

We had a relay race where you had to hold an egg on a spoon while you ran, a "pass the orange" game where you passed it back and forth without using your hands and a checkers tournament. The most ironic game of the night was the water balloon toss. At that point, we were pretty wet already, so everyone went crazy and it turned into a water balloon fight at the end, in the rain. Yes, it was awesome.

Our neighborhood rocks. We party hard. No matter what the weather.