Wednesday, July 29, 2009

We like our romance with a hint of horror: Part 2 of 3

So, where was it I left you hanging? Ah! There you are. As I was saying, we wanted somewhere relaxing, elegant, quiet. We had booked a room at The Water Street Inn in Stillwater, MN. We received a confirmation call that included two disturbing facts:
  1. The rest of the inn was booked with a wedding party and guests.
  2. Our room was a smoking room.
We canceled the reservation and were on the internets, yet again, to find a place to stay. We decided on The Outing Lodge.

Ah! Pretty!

The reservations were made, $20 was saved and we were set! Then I made the mistake of looking at reviews. Here are my top two faves:

This one was titled: "Strange, Private, Interesting."
"The building is very old, and kind of reminded me of the movie The Shinning. Not so much in a bad way though. . . however, I won't say to anyone don't ever go there, it was interesting in a strange and rustic way."
How can it remind you of The Shining in a good way?

This was titled: "Worst B&B I have even encountered!!!! Not Safe! Beware!"
"Driving up the long dirt road I looked to my left and saw an old rusted white van with junk scattered all around it. Pulling up the the house was more rusted old vehicles that hadn't been moved in what looked like decades. I felt like I was in one of those old horror movies that you never made it out alive."
"Our room was musty smelling and the lock on the door could have been picked by a two year old."
"If you stay in room 3 look out the bathroom window and view the face implanted in the concrete of the stoop. Creepy...yes!" (We are in room 1 but will peek in room 3 if we get a chance! I want photo evidence!)
"When it comes down to it this place is just a front page headline news story waiting to happen. And let me just say we did not want to be the names on the headline. Stay far away from this creepy, trashy, desolate lodge. It would be better to stay with your inlaws."

So, here we are. Adventure and possibly mutilation await! Oh, and did I forget to mention that it was the scene of a horror movie? It's called My Life in the Horror and no, I am not kidding. I think we might want to write our wills and up those insurance policies.

The question on your mind right now must be: "Why are you not canceling your reservation!?!" Well, we don't trust review sites 100% and we are curious to a fault. If it is spectacularly horrible, we will leave immediately. Otherwise, we'll bring our video camera and see if we can capture a Ghost Hunters moment. Hopefully we won't have a 1408 experience, or it's alternate ending. Besides, the stories? They will be golden. We can tell already.

Monday, July 27, 2009

We like our romance with a hint of horror: Part 1 of 3

Ten years ago, Stan and I walked into The Cotton Mansion in Duluth and Stan said, "I feel like I am in the setting of every B horror movie ever made." Needless to say, it wasn't the honeymoon setting I was hoping for. Since our visit, they have cleaned and remodeled the mansion, but the feel of the entry is still the same.


The dirt encrusted dome is now shiny clean, however, the dark woodwork and blood red velvet remain. Unfortunately, you can not see the carved cherub faces which appear every few steps a la The Haunting. I swear I saw those mother fuckers move. Conveniently located at the top is a circular hallway, perfect for chase scenes and lots of doors for a Scooby Doo comedy bit.

Our room was the Sunset Room. The room itself looks the same, but the bathroom underwent a makeover. When we stayed there it was all white. It looked so institutional, we thought it was a replica from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Now look at it:


Imagine this bathroom stark white with a bare heat register, no curtains, rugs or lace. There was a step stool to get into the tub. We were having a romantic bubble bath, with candles and wine when Stan leaned over and whispered in my ear this sweet nothing: "I feel like there are dead people watching us." It killed the mood and we dried off and watched Caddy Shack to dispel the evil spirits. On a similar note, it probably didn't help that we watched an afternoon matinee of The Blair Witch Project.

With our 10th anniversary looming on the horizon, we have joked about staying at the Cotton Mansion, but simply can not bring ourselves to step foot in the creepy cavern of an entryway again. We wanted somewhere elegant, quiet and relaxing. So I made reservations for a B&B in Stillwater, far from the ghostly reach of the spirits of the Cotton Mansion. Or so I thought. . .

More to say in Part 2: The Reckoning.



Saturday, July 18, 2009

Facebook is ruining my blog.

Also:

Crackwhore says what?