Fox News Explains the VT Massacre

He was possessed by the devil.

I was born and raised in an evangelical church that would have used this for their Sunday sermon. It takes away pesky human responsibility to spiritualize everything and also is frightening as hell.

Don't blame Satan, blame the person who chose to do evil. Sometimes people are just fucked up.

Blubber

I have been stressed out, sick and insanely busy the past couple weeks, sometimes all at once. Thankfully, I am almost 100% well and attempting to manage my time so I don't get overwhelmed.

One of my priorities is logging back onto SparkPeople every day. I have done it for 3 days now and only went over calories one day. I haven't gained back any weight (yea!) so I am back on track. Combine that with my new Dance Dance Revolution game and the hours Noah and I are spending outside (almost) every day and I know the weight will keep coming off.

I am excited. I can't wait to see results!

Tax time.

We are getting moola back this year, so it is a cheerful time, a time of joy and celebration. A time to get the dog fixed so she stops marking in the house and to buy a split queen box spring so our backs stop hurting.

Huzzah to the government for kindly using our interest free loan at 0% interest for 12 months and giving it back to us in one lump sum. You would think this would inspire the American people to save. A little chucked away every month and party time in April! See how easy it is? Somehow credit cards are still more popular. Go figure.

And a shout out to H&R Block's on line tax preparation service. Every year you save our information, hold our hand as we walk through the valley of the shadow of data entry and bring us safely to the land of electronic filing and direct deposit returns. All for a measly $60. A bargain by anyone's standards.

Good luck to those still needing to file. And an empathetic downward shake of my head for those who have to pay a pound of flesh or two. I've been there and know how much it sucks to be in mourning when everyone else seems to be buying rounds of drinks in celebration of their sudden wealth. I too, smile in triumph at their hangover the next day. As it should be.

Anyhow, my metaphoric rant is over. 'Tis time to put the lad to bed.

Adieu.

SAVE THE DATE: MAY 5TH DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION / KARAOKE PARTY

The plans are set for this year's Cinco De Lisa Birthday Party.

We will be making full use of the Xbox with Karake Revolution and Music Mixer games (for me!) as well as Dance Dance Revolution (by request of Nemy).

So break out those old dance moves, warm up your voice and bring plenty of alcohol.

It's time to celebrate the 34th year of me.

Something new to try

Click on the link and buy some for me, please?

I use a lot of things for my sinus problems: netti pot, essential oils, massage, garlic, spicy food, etc. However, I have not seen this in a store, as of yet. If you are feeling generous, you could buy it for me and we could have a pepper spray party and see if it works because I still have this damn sinus cold.

Because I sleep through all the important things in life.

How did I not know a new Anne Lamott book was out? Good thing my birthday is around the corner (May 5th - mark your calendars people) because I have barely enough money to get by after the $687 car repair bill that reared its ugly head yesterday.

Seriously, the house payment will be late this month, but the $30 late fee is nothing compared to the interest we will save by not whipping out the credit card. Viva la revolution! Still, it sucks to be cutting it so freaking close to the bone. I would say "it sucks to be poor" but I think the homeless would be appalled at my misappropriation of the word.

Anyhow, Anne Lamott has been the bridge that I creep over to dabble in Christianity again. I like her style. Her honesty. Her humanness. In a story she wrote about her own conversion, she tells about how she invited God into her heart. She said, "Fuck it. You can come in."

That rawness and honesty vibes with me. Christians get a bad rap because most of them are hypocritical assholes. I do not want to be one of them. Jesus was anything but a mealy mouthed priss. I do believe in God and I do want a robust spiritual life. She models how I can do it and not have to be a part of the corrupt church I grew up in.

So anyhow, just a minute, climbing down from my soapbox here, this book is the start of my birthday wish list. Stay tuned for more later.

Ensuring that my child has a rich and varied vocabulary.

Yesterday I was sick. Actually, I have been sick off and on for 9 days and yesterday was I was ON (all caps, in bold). I managed to chauffeur Stan and Noah around, otherwise I was on the couch or in the tub soaking in hot water, bath salts, and essential oil of tea tree, eucalyptus and lavender.

The first trip to school I managed to hold it together, for the most part, and I taught Noah a new word: ass. As in "get your ass in the car now." Noah asked me if ass meant butt and I said yes. See? He's already integrating the new word in his mind! Making associations! I was so proud.

Stan's pick up did not go well. I woke up at the exact time I should have picked him up. He was 10 minutes late to his appointment. Some kernels of wisdom I bestowed upon Noah were: shit, fuck, goddammit and "move it you stupid assholes." However, I am pretty sure Noah was ignoring his crazy mother at that point.

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel at bedtime, but still could not resist implanting one more seed of knowledge in Noah's tiny little earthen head. So I asked him, oh so politely, since we also are keen on manners, to stop giving me shit. Noah repeated the word and laughed. Stan just shook his head, probably in wonder at what an amazing mother I am.

I know one thing though, he is ready for the playground at kindergarten.

Noah's Continuting the Family Tradition

Noah and his turtle tats.

Aunt Nae sent Noah a care package from Hawaii for Easter. Inside he got all kinds of goodies, including turtle temporary tattoos so he can match his Mom and Aunt Nae.

Only four, but oh, so rockstar.

Goal: Weigh 30 pounds less.

Anyone wanna buy me a replica of 1 pound of fat? So gross. . .

Today is day number four without drinking in the evening (Saturday I had a couple of beers in the afternoon, otherwise I've been drug free). That's cutting out at least 450 calories from my day.

And today, today my friends, I am cutting out the nightly popcorn snack. Did I say popcorn? I mean butter with a touch of popcorn and salt.

I am back on SparkPeople and going to get skinny this summer.

So . . . start with the kudos and pep talks already.

The dreaded Pink Eye (not to be confused with "Stink Eye")

The doctor told me to take the eyeball out, soak it in bleach for a few days and then just pop it back in.

Sure hope it works.

The end of an era

Jesse

The day every parent both dreads and anticipates finally arrived, our boy moved out. No, not Noah, our oldest, Jesse. Yes, it's odd that he's lived with us 7 of the 10 years Stan and I have been together but on the other hand, it isn't. He's been my best friend 13 years and Stan's for the last 10. It felt natural because to us, he is family.

Yes, interrupting him having sex with his girlfriend to ask if he wanted to say good-night to Noah was a lot weird, but hey, all families have their quirks. At least he did a lot of housework. Oh wait, that was me.

He did fix a lot of things and install a bunch more. He was always there for us and loaned or gave his things freely (usually with a free dose of sarcastic banter). And he was always the first one to run out in the pouring rain to clear the clogged gutters so our basement stayed (mostly) dry.

It was time, and we are all glad of the change. Jesse's apartment is the cooliest and I am looking forward to attending parties and hanging at his new place.

Congratulations boy. I knew you'd learn how to fly one day. Make us proud!