Yesterday I was sick. Actually, I have been sick off and on for 9 days and yesterday was I was ON (all caps, in bold). I managed to chauffeur Stan and Noah around, otherwise I was on the couch or in the tub soaking in hot water, bath salts, and essential oil of tea tree, eucalyptus and lavender.
The first trip to school I managed to hold it together, for the most part, and I taught Noah a new word: ass. As in "get your ass in the car now." Noah asked me if ass meant butt and I said yes. See? He's already integrating the new word in his mind! Making associations! I was so proud.
Stan's pick up did not go well. I woke up at the exact time I should have picked him up. He was 10 minutes late to his appointment. Some kernels of wisdom I bestowed upon Noah were: shit, fuck, goddammit and "move it you stupid assholes." However, I am pretty sure Noah was ignoring his crazy mother at that point.
I saw the light at the end of the tunnel at bedtime, but still could not resist implanting one more seed of knowledge in Noah's tiny little earthen head. So I asked him, oh so politely, since we also are keen on manners, to stop giving me shit. Noah repeated the word and laughed. Stan just shook his head, probably in wonder at what an amazing mother I am.
I know one thing though, he is ready for the playground at kindergarten.
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4 comments:
Isn't the teaching of swear words the job of the uncle and/or big brother?
Lisa, dear, you simply must begin writing your novel. It will be a best-seller. Trust me. I know things.
Jesse: Yes, it is your job but since you have not yet managed to get around to it, I felt the need to pick up your slack.
Momma Reade,
I will stick with blogging for now, although I do need to write my resume.
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