Maybe, just maybe, I'm a New Yorker at Heart. Or an impatient asshole. Your pick.

I had 20 minutes for lunch on Friday (none on Saturday, but that is a whole different story). I went to Cafe Latte, but the line was four miles long. So I went across the street to their bastard child, Bread and Chocolate and the line was three people long. Hooray!

Then I realized that two of these people were in the giggly new flush of love. Shit. They were so busy ogling each other they didn't even look at the menu until it was their turn, which, goodness gracious, they thought was so cute! You could tell they were thinking, "the world, it can not intrude on special, wonderful us." After finally tearing their eyes away from each other long enough to order, they meandered to the register. To fondle. Not to pay. Good Lord, why would they do such a thing!?!

I got my food and stood waiting while they finally thought to pay. Then it was a fight of who would pay. Finally, after what seemed like hours, fucking god damn hours, he paid the cash while she dug in her purse for the exact change. After handing the money over, they locked eyes and smiled at their unity in a cash transaction.

It was so sweet I wanted to tear their heads off and dunk them in coffee, hot, scalding coffee.

So yes, my heart is black, but god damn it people, there is a moral here and that is "don't fuck with my lunch."

I think I just might be losing it.

"Hmm. . ." I wonder to myself, "do I smell the sharp, pungent aroma of dog pee, or is that just the coffee maker?"

"Do they smell the same?"

"Probably not."

"I think I'm just losing it."

Xmas card - Starring: The Keathlys, Jesse, Sarah and a special guest appearance by Melanie's hat!

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No wonder he didn't like T-ball.

Noah got glasses today. He wished for them, so he could look like Daddy. I imagine that the evil eye fairy came in the middle of the night and with a swish-swish of her wand, took away some of his vision. Damn fairy.

It's also easier to blame the fairy than myself, especially when he failed the vision part of his pre-K screening almost two years ago. The teacher thought he could see but was just fooling around so I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to it. Bad Lisa. Very, very, bad Lisa.

My consolation? The kid looks damn good in his new glasses.

Hmm . . . I wonder how long I can milk mama's guilt on this one. . .

Damn, baby! I DO look good in glasses!!!

The bad news? He was diagnosed with nystagmus which is an "involuntary eye movement which usually results in some degree of visual loss." When he focuses on something while looking straight ahead you can see his eyes wiggle back and forth. He will tilt his head to the side and try to look out of the corner of his eye to make the wiggling stop. At this point we don't know what is causing it or what the degree is. They made a referral to a pediatric optomologist so we will know more after that appointment. All I really know is that it is frightening.