Christmas: Part III and IV (A New Hope)

No pictures yet, but we survived our final Christmas gatherings with all of our faculties intact.

First up was Part III: Christmas Day at Eller's home in North Branch with Stan's family. It was the most enjoyable one yet. Pretty mellow with good food contributed by all. Stan got a Barnes & Noble gift certificate and a sweater. I got a smore maker and chocolate fondue set which I exchanged for a soft and fuzzy Egyptian cotton robe. Noah made out like a bandit, again, with his main gifts being a Leap Frog Leap Pad and V-Smile video game. He also got a Captain Jack Sparrow pirate costume from "Pirates of the Caribbean." I must say he does look awfully dashing with his fake dreadlocks.

Then was Part IV: 12/30 the entire Melander family Xmas in North Branch. We showed up late, ate a lot and got out at a decent time. One of the uncles dressed up like Santa to distribute presents to the kids and Wayne took the kids out for a hayride. Noah had a great time and got a pirate board game from Santa.

Now, it is done! We are officially on to celebrating New Year's Eve. But that, alas, is another post all together.

Christmas: Part II

On Christmas Eve, Stan, Jesse, Noah and I were off to Grandma Reade and Papa John's house for dinner.


Grandma Reade made some amazing turkey chili, made xtra spicy thanks to Papa John.

Noah got a mountain of presents: 14 total.

Everyone, even Buddha, was in the holiday spirit.

And we left in good spirits, our car packed with presents and our Noah in feetsie jammers.

A Casulty of Decemberween

The Poor Sap Never Had A Chance. Not With This Weather.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Christmas: Part I

Saturday night Nemy, Boot and Sam came over for our Xmas celebration. We made Swedish meatballs (out of turkey meat for Stan) with gravy, red skin on mashed potatoes, rolls and a pear walnut feta cheese salad.

Noah and Sam opted for chicken with black beans and cheese, but one day I'm sure they will join in the Scandinavian joy that is Xmas dinner.

We had lefse, cookies and dark chocolate for dessert and lots of wine.

We only exchanged gifts for the boys, but Noah got to open his gifts from us as well, so there was excitement galore for him.

Tonight we are on to Part II: dinner at Grandma Reade and Papa John's house with even more presents for Noah.

Then it's the finale: Part III with the Eller family on Xmas day.

Man, I need a nap already.

The Last Hurdle

I was worried about changing the registration of Dodi's microchip implant. It would involve contacting the former owners, which I DID NOT WANT TO DO.

This morning I called HomeAgain and found out that the number was valid, but they never registered it. Five minutes later Dodi was registered and if lost we will be contacted.

Insert big ass sigh of relief here.

Tomorrow She Gets Groomed

I think she's going to look different. I'm not the type to dress up my dog or put bows in their hair. At least I try to pretend I'm not. Because for Xmas I totally am going to let the groomer put red bows in her hair, at least for a picture.

Happy Couple with Puppy - Before We Realized She Wasn't Housebroken.

"Why doesn't it smell like trash and smoke anymore?"

And where did the five dogs and three kittens go? No one is stealing my kong, dude."

Finally! A picture of the puppy!

Here is the cute little face of our new dog.

Housebreaking is still coming along slowly. So far we have had 2 days out of 8 where she went outside only. Yesterday we had two accidents in the house, right in front of us. Hopefully our response helped her get closer to understanding what we are asking her to do.

She is sweet and cuddly. She loves to play. She is slowly learning our rules. We taught her to sit, which she does about 70% of the time on her own, without us having to push her ass to the floor. We make her sit before she is allowed to do anything: get in the house, the kennel, cross the street, jump up on the couch, etc. She is going to be the best trained dog on the block.

I think she is the best Christmas present I ever got. Thanks Stan!

Two days down. . .

Our doggy boot camp has gone surprisingly well. For two days now, our house has been free of dog waste products. I have been taking her on at least one 20 minute walk a day. Today she got an hour of exercise/walks outside and was rewarded with supervised off the leash time in the house. I do not take my eyes off of her for a second when she is out of her kennel. I know she's just waiting for me to turn my head so she can "go" on the carpet.

So things are better. It sucks in the morning. I usually sleep in as late as possible and don't move much in the first hour. Now though, if I'm the one up first I have to take her out and deal with a dog who has been locked in a kennel all night and wants to have some room to move. I tell ya, I don't understand those people who have a dog and full time jobs. After being in a kennel all night the dog gets 30-60 minutes out and then goes back in for another 8-9 hours while their owners are at work. That would suck the big one.

My advice to anyone who wants to get a dog would be this:

1. Get one that is at least 2 years old. That is the end of the puppy stage for most breeds.
2. My dog is 8 pounds and would love to run for a few blocks at the beginning of each walk. Pick the size of your dog wisely. Realize that every dog needs a daily walk no matter how big or great your yard is.
   
3. If you do not want to housebreak a dog, buy it from a breeder with a guarantee or a rescue organization where the dog has been fostered. Do not go through a classified ad (like I did).
4. Make sure the dog is kennel trained. This is 100% necessary for your sanity. When the dog is too much, for whatever reason, you can put it in the kennel and take a break. If you feel guilty, give it some snacks or a chew toy. It will be fine.
5. Training classes are not an option.
6. Spaying/neutering is not an option.

There are so many great resources on the web and through Humane Societies. No one should be living with a misbehaving dog. And no one should have to adopt a dog that doesn't fit their life or commitment style.

I was a cat person before Dodi, but once she is housebroken I think she will be less work. At least with her I am picking up the poop in my yard after it arrives. With the cats, I let the litter box go until it was a brick of horrific odors. I am also getting a lot more exercise. The weather this last week has been mild, but there is no way I would have been out in it if it wasn't for Dodi. Noah and I even went to a state park for a walk around the lake.

So things are going good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Boot!

You know he's the best uncle ever when he lets Noah paint him like a clown with face paint.

Best little known fact ever: Boot went to clown college.

He wanted to be a sad clown and was considering working kid's parties. Because every little kid's dream is a depressed clown making nooses out of balloons at his 5th birthday party.

"Look mommy! I'm hanging myself! Isn't it funny!"

The professional at work.

Angry clown.

The Unforgivable Sin

When I was young, I used to worry that I had committed what the Bible belivin' people referred to as "the unforgivable sin". Really, I would mind fuck myself to death worried that I had gone so far as to earn eternal damnation. Once, I was convinced that it was taking the Lord's name in vain. For an entire week I was convinced I would spend my afterlife in torture and misery. My mom let me off the hook, but I was still worried that I would commit this elusive sin, not knowing what it was until it was too late and I was doomed.

I'm not sure about the afterlife anymore, but I do know, without question, what my unforgivable sin of the day is. It was those two minutes that I left the dog alone to eat her food, chained to the cabinet. Obviously she hasn't put 2 and 2 together to make 4 when it comes to her dog bed, because she peed on it. A whole day with walks, kennel time, supervised leash time and I blow it by leaving her unsupervised for two minutes.

Damn me to hell.

P.S. Yes, I know I gave Stan crap for leaving her unsupervised yesterday. Irony noted.

Hey Momma?

Yeah Noah?

When you do this (inserts finger into belly button) it makes your penis hurt.

Really?

Yup.

Um. . . .okay.

Place your bets!

We are now the house of bowel control training. I am curious who will be done first: Noah or the dog. Noah's issue is with transition. He doesn't want to take a break from whatever he's doing to use the toilet. He'd play for hours in wet or soiled pants if we let him. It's gross.

Our precocious puppy doesn't know that outside is the proper place to "go". We are keeping her in her kennel or tied to one of us by her leash. Yesterday she left Stan for one minute, which is all it took to whiz and crap on Noah's rug. Stan was furious, but paid the price for breaking the rules and letting her run free. She is getting out once an hour and we are taking her on 1 - 4 walks a day. However, she doesn't realize that this is when she needs to go potty. She thinks she's just hanging out.

I was thinking about making a Noah vs. Dodi chart to mark accidents and successes (as well as when they go to see if there's a pattern). Then I had a flash of Noah in counseling years later talking about how fucked up his mom was, "I mean, she put me in a pissing contest against the dog. Literally."

Any tips would be appreciated.

Do - di - od - do - do

Yesterday sucked. Let's see, which was worse?

1. Finding three spots where the dog whizzed in the house.
2. The furnace giving up the ghost in the middle of the night.
3. Realizing that I had been neglecting the gas bill that I get via e-mail and owe $409 to Centerpoint Energy.
4. Finding out that our furnace will have to be fixed to the tune of $500 because we forgot to change the filter and the furnace overheated.

Actually, it really doesn't matter which was worse because (lucky me!) I got to deal with them all at the same time. Don't ask me how I got this wonderful life, because I simply have no idea how I got this damn lucky.

Today was better. Our furnace was fixed for $250. I think seeing me almost break down in tears yesterday made him give me a good deal. If so, being a girl finally rocks.

We blew some money at the vet where we played true and false with the information given to us when we got the dog. Here's how it went:

The dog is a purebred poodle.
FALSE: The dog is most likely a terrier poodle mix.

The dog is 6 pounds.
FALSE. The dog is 8.5 pounds.

The dog is microchipped.
TRUE.

The dog is a year old.
TRUE.

The dog is kennel trained.
FALSE.

The dog is potty trained.
FALSE.

The dog is healthy.
TRUE. Kind of. She does have a hernia, which is common with poodles. They will take care of it when she's spayed next month.

We had to get a bigger kennel and a halter vs. a collar when we take her for walks. Otherwise, all is swell with the little mutt. And (here's hoping!) with me too.

A year in review.

Idea from Melody. First sentence of the first post for every month of the year. Here we go:

January
It's a hard knock life for a 3 year old.

February
Noah has already discovered the sheer joy of jerking his parents around.

March
I found the pictures of the Project Runway Fashion Week Show.

April
Stan and I escaped from our kid and responsibilities last weekend and were well cared for at the Round Barn Farm B&B&B in Red Wing, MN

May
It is 12:30 on Saturday night. Stan, Jesse and I are hanging out.

June
The Little Tikes Jump N' Slide for $230:

July
14 days apart was torture.


August
I tell ya, nothing brings neighbors huddling together under a tarp like National Night Out.

September
Squid soap is the awesome.

October
The day of the Summit Big Brew Party dawned bright and sunny with just enough chill in the air to wear a sweater.

November
Could also be titled: "I worked out for 3 hours yesterday" or "I did 400 situps.

December
Saturday night Stan and I went to Masa with Jesse and Sarah.

Not a poodle.

We were told that Dodi was 100% poodle, but she is obviously a mix of some sort. We're thinking schnauzer, but will have to see what the vet says.

She slept with Noah last night and it was cute to see them cuddled up together. This morning we let her out to piddle and she was full of energy. We've heard her barking and she'll whine if we leave her outside alone.

We had one accident inside the house, which sucked. I wonder if we missed the cues that she needed to be let out. Either way, we'll be doing it more often.

Nemy, Boot and Sam met her and thought she was super cute. They are fans of The Dog Whisperer and got to try out "the hand" and "the sound" from the show that Cesar uses. For people who aren't huge fans of pets, they sure did pet her a lot.

I am starting to like her more and more. Cleaning her yesterday and seeing the trash house was hard on me. Stan said that I have been thinking about wanting a dog for so long that reality couldn't measure up. He was right. I just need to remember that she's just a dog and when it comes down to it, that's all I wanted.

Right now she is cuddled up with Stan on the couch. Cute little tired girl finally has it good, and clean.

Noah named her "Dodi"

This morning we got all of our dog supplies together and set off for Buffalo. After an hour on the road we pulled up to a rusty old trailer and wondered if we should even let Noah out of the car. The woman smoking in the driveway spotted us, so Stan picked him up and brought him into what I now think of as "the trash house".

We didn't see their baby, but the couple and their 2 year old child were filthy. The floor was also filthy, where it was still holding together. From what we could see of the carpet in the bedroom, it was made up of a multitude of stains, covered with garbage and edged with crusty dirt.

I sat down on the couch while Stan stood at the door holding Noah and trying not to throw up from the sight of their sewer of a bedroom that was crowding into his peripheral vision. I asked her to sign a paper stating that we payed $250 for the dog and they sold it to us. She told us she hadn't been able to enjoy the nice weather because she had "cleaned up for our arrival". Wow. Simply amazing.

The little girl kept bringing me all of their cats to admire. (They had 3 cats and 6 dogs living with the family of 4 in a small trailer. It still makes my heart ache for the kids as well as the animals thinking about it.) When running after yet another cat, she tripped over the vent in the floor and it came flying out. She was okay, but I could tell the parents were embarrassed.

As soon as it seemed polite, I grabbed the cute little black bundle that had been bounding around my feet and headed for the door (It helped that I had a pocket full of dog treats). We brought her to the car, put her in the kennel and took her out immediately so the little girl could kiss her goodbye. When we were pulling away Stan said, "I didn't think poverty like that still existed in Minnesota. Wow. I think they sold their dog for Christmas money."

I sat with the kennel on my lap, trying to ignore the smoky smell emanating from the dog. She was mellow, laying down most of the way home. We stopped at PetSmart to get shampoo and then were off for home. It took three times and a lot of rinsing before the water ran clear. I guess the black was hiding all of the dirt. Reade got here while I was drying her off and helped brush her out and trim her hair. We didn't get all of it done, but could finally see her face. After that Reade took her for a short walk while we had lunch. We followed that up with a long family walk and a cuddle on the couch. I trimmed some more of the hair around her feet, which was long and matted.

So far she has been a great dog, mellow and cuddly. She needs training, but seems eager to please. I think she needed us, her owners needed money and we needed a good dog. Not exactly an Xmas miracle, but a good deal for all involved. I think this is going to be good.

P.S. Pictures are coming!

We just bought a dog. At least we think it's a dog

What do you think? Dog or no dog?

I had stopped looking daily at the different classified ads for pets, but Stan asked if I looked on Craigslist, so I showed him the petfinder.com classifieds. And we found Sassy (definitely going to change the name). She's a black toy poodle, a year old and less than 10 pounds. Tiny, cute, black, doesn't shed, just what I was looking for.

After some conversations, negotiations, and one blurry cell phone picture later, the deal was done. $250 and an hour drive to Buffalo on Saturday, and she will be ours.

I got my Christmas present early this year. Hmm. . . since I got her for Christmas maybe I should name her Santa. . . or Jesus. Ideas anyone?

Cool Xmas Gift Idea

Wall decals. Decals for kids. Glass decals. Car decals.

Cool.

Long post.

Saturday night Stan and I went to Masa with Jesse and Sarah. The first downside was when they encouraged us to hang up our coats. The coat hooks we could see were packed with coats, and the only one open was broken. It was only after we mentioned this that the hostess said, "Oh, there's more on the other side of the wall."

When we got over there, we saw the coat hooks were behind a table of diners. We were going to skip it, but they said it was fine, that they would just "be going through our pockets and even checking the liner." Gee, that made us feel so much better.

Then we got a sticky, dirty menu. Isn't this a D'Amico chain? Should this really be happening at a 4 star restaurant?

The food and drinks were good but not excellent. For appetizers we got the guacamole and the sopes surditos. The sopes were excellent but we make better guac. Stan and I split an unremarkable chicken enchilada with black beans on the side. Jesse's Puerco Veracruzana (pork) was much better. The sangria drinks Sarah and Stan ordered were also excellent. Jesse and I had the Masa and the American Margaritas. The first was watery and the second had way too much lime.

Two more downsides were that the bathroom was almost out of toilet paper and completely out of paper towels. Then we got the wrong bill from our server. Not huge problems, but ones that should not occur at a restaurant like Masa. If you are going out for a fine dining experience, I would skip it and head down the street to Azia. Everything there, from the food to the service is flawless.

Afterwards, we saw the craziest Xmas house ever at 35th Street and 23rd Avenues in Minneapolis. All of the inflatable holiday decorations ever invented converged on this yard for your viewing (dis)pleasure. There were at least 20, if not 30. It is the definition of crazy and definitely worth the drive.

We wrapped up the night playing Trivial Pursuit and Apples to Apples at the Chatterbox Pub in Saint Paul. We had fries with "cheese sauce" and chocolate fondue with literally a thimble full of chocolate. They use quality ingredients at the Chatterbox, which is impressive, but doesn't work when you have to mix water with cheddar cheese to make it smooth, which is exactly what they did.

I added three tall Strongbows to my two margaritas, but with the week I had, my companions were fortunate that I didn't just set up camp under the tap. Literally, I am still so overwhelmed by my therapy session last Thursday that I simply would not have cared.

Although I did care, because I like Sarah and don't want to show her the entire freak show that is Lisa quite yet. I may have missed the mark though, after my comment to Jesse about not paying any rent yet. Yup, there it is, the part of me that made his X cry. Although he will be getting an apology when he gets home. I at least know when I've been a bitch now. And that, as they say, is the first step towards . . . something.