Mmmm . . . smoking.

A couple weeks ago I went to a Bachelorette Party for Courtney. I smoked a little over a half a pack of cigarettes. A HALF A PACK. People, what was I thinking? I am still coughing and hacking up crap from the resulting cold.

I looked up some information to help keep me from doing this ever again. Because logic always wins out when you're drinking.

WHEN YOU SMOKE:

Within a few seconds of your first puff, irritating gases (formaldehyde, ammonia and hydrogen sulphide) start to work on the sensitive membranes of your eyes, nose and throat.

As you puff away, you erode the natural cleansing process of the lungs. Your respiratory rate starts to increase, making your lungs work harder. The gases from the cigarette harm the tissues of the lungs and the airways. This causes you to cough up more mucous. The excess mucous is a breeding ground for bacteria and viruses, making you susceptible to colds, flu, bronchitis and other respiratory diseases (ergo: Lisa is deathly sick).

Farther down, inside your lungs, the smoke weakens the free-roving scavenger cells that remove foreign particles from the air sacs of the lungs.

From the moment the smoke reaches your lungs, your heart is forced to work harder. The heartbeat may increase by as much as 30 percent during the first 10 minutes of smoking.

While you are smoking, your blood pressure increases, putting more stress on heart and blood vessels.

When you smoke, carbon monoxide - the colourless, odourless, deadly gas present in car exhaust - passes immediately into your bloodstream. Carbon monoxide binds to the oxygen receptor sites (haemoglobin) and "kicks out" the oxygen molecules in your red blood cells.

Haemoglobin - the protein that feeds oxygen to organs and cells - binds itself preferentially to the carbon monoxide and can no longer carry oxygen. This means that less oxygen reaches your brain and vital organs. Your body cells need oxygen for energy so your energy levels are reduced.

After approximately 10 seconds of lighting up, nicotine has been absorbed from the lungs into the bloodstream and has been transported to the brain. It stimulates the central nervous system, increasing the heart beat rate and blood pressure: raising the heart's oxygen requirement (So it increases demand while decreasing the amount of oxygen. Nice).

If this doesn't help, somebody just cut off my index fingers so I can't hold the cigarette. That would be much appreciated.