Family Breakfast Sunday

Jesse is going to be leaving us soon. The way I figure it, we have two family breakfast Sundays left before he takes off for his new home and job in sunny California.

So we made this last one count. First was breakfast at Mill City in good ol' Nordeast. Eating on the deck there is so pretty and quintessentially summer for us, although this time we didn't bring the dog. It was a little more peaceful that way.

Then, it was off to the park for Noah's first attempt at riding a two wheeler without training wheels. After Jesse tuned up the bike, Sarah took off the training wheels and we were off.

How many adults does it take to teach a kid to ride a bike? Answer: Four.

We went up a few streets to a park with plenty of flat area to practice on.
It was HOT and HUMID. We filled that water bottle three times.
After the bike ride, we all got ice cream and Sarah and I hit Crafty Planet and the local thrift store Rewind.
I bought some new sunglasses.
Then we went to visit Grandma Reade and hang out in her amazing garden.

It was nice and mellow, except when Stan decided to help with the stump removal.
See, there was this stump that Noah obviously didn't like.
So it was decided it must be removed.This was about as far as we got.
Jesse is coming back later in the week with dynamite to finish it off.
Mr. Miagi loves his new home and now will even eat from your hand.
I loves me the toad stools.
Jesse grew a catalpa mustache for the occasion.
Sarah was cold, despite the horrendous heat.
Actually, she was under the gun to finish a blanket.
Through perseverance and hard work, she did just that, and it is beautiful.
Noah looks like a miniature of his brother. Or maybe it's just the glasses.

I am writing it here for the first, but not last time: I will miss the Jesse.

Tired

This last week has sucked.

I made a, well, let's call it an "error in judgment" that has so far cost us $4,900.

I feel broken.

Maybe I could be rebuilt, but I doubt it.

I guess I'll just soldier on.

Without my best friend of 14 years. Who is moving hundreds of miles away in three weeks.

Yeah. Life is . . . great? Ri-ight.

First Buffy, Then Angel - Now Comes Dr. Horrible

Update: This was free when I made this post. Now that popularity has reared it's ugly head, you have to pay $2 an "act" to watch it. Darn.

The time: 11:57 PM

The scene: Lisa walking the dog.

Halfway around the block, a huge black dog ran out at us, seemingly friendly-like, but I grabbed Dodi and picked her up, just in case.  She was making the equivalent noise of a junior high school girl who has just been asked out on a date by Mr. Joe Cool because she wanted to play.  The owners thought she was being killed by their dog.  Cue two college guys running out in full on panic mode.  Once they realized it was Dodi and me, and I realized the black hulking shadow was really good old gray spotted Chu-Cho, all was fine.

So I proceeded on my walk, all fine and dandy with the world.  Then, I turned onto my street.  I saw the neighbor from the party house two doors down from me standing in his yard.  The one whose wife calls him Stan even though his name is really Dan.  Hmm, what the heck is he doing?  Rolling up the garden hose?  Spreading fertalizer?  No.  No, he's not.  He's shirtless, knees bent in a semi-crouching stance, practicing his nunchuck skills.  

Seriously.  Nunchucks.  

Wow.

McCain is an asshole. Part 2

When McCain released his tax return for 2007 on Friday, he separately disclosed that he received a pension of $58,358 that was not listed as income on his return.

If McCain had to pay taxes on the full amount of the pension, it would have increased his tax bill by about $18,000 based on the percentage of his income he paid to the federal government.

I realize that his 5 years as a prisoner of war were hell and his rehabilitation was extremely painful. However, after that, he regained full flight status and commanded a Navy squadron.

In his autobiography, he states that his disabilities are: not being able to raise his hands over his head and that his knee hurts in cold weather. That garners him $58K a year in supposedly tax free money?

He was able to fly and command a Navy squadron, yet is still disabled? He is in "perfect health" and able to run our country, yet is still receiving disability checks? Something stinks here, and yes, it is McCain, the quintessential Republican asshole.

This will be MINE.

There are so many to choose from! How is a girl to decide? I know, I'll just get them all!!!

McCain is an asshole.

During this past week:

• McCain called the most important entitlement program in the U.S. a disgrace.
• McCain's top economic adviser called the American people whiners.
• McCain released an economic plan that no one thought was serious.
• McCain flip flopped on Iraq.
• McCain joked about the deaths of Iranian citizens (Let's kill them with cigarettes!)
• McCain denied making comments that he clearly made -- TWICE. 

Read all about it here.

Sharks with laser beams!

I think Noah needs this. . . for me.

4th of July Road Warning

Good thing Noah's taking karate.

Castle Rock Getaway

Last weekend, I went to Castle Rock House in Lutsen, MN for a two day intensive course on Hands On Healing taught by Cheryl Berg.

I haven't been up to the North Shore since Stan and I had our honeymoon at the creepy Cotton Mansion in Duluth. The web site makes the place look, oh so pretty, but in reality it is the setting for every B horror film ever made.

The house we stayed in was far from creepy. It was big, beautiful, and I would love to go back there with a group for a weekend stay.

The back of Castle Rock house with some of our group packing up to go home.

The windows in the upstairs living room were amazing.

Hands on Healing Class in progress.

Balconies for hanging out on either side and the walk out patio were awesome as well.

This was the view from the walk out patio. It was the plateau before you went down one more level to the rock beach.

The fire pit. Many a marshmallow met their end at this place.

Then came the beach.

Sarah and Catherine thought they could swim to the island, even in the freezing cold water. They only made it this far.

We took a ton of rocks from this beach to use in our stone massages. I only fell once in all my hours on the shifting surface.

The motley crew of Juut.

Before we headed home, we hiked Cascade Falls. I forgot how pretty they were!

Juut hikes to the falls.

Some of us held back and climbed out on the rocks to get a better view of the falls. They thought we got lost, so Aaron came back to find us.

He did it chicken style.

It was a perfect getaway.

Conversations with Noah

"Who is this?" Noah says pointing to a picture of his great-grandpa.

"That's my grandpa you were named after.  His name was Palmer Hall."

"Hall?"

"Yes, hall.  Like Hallway."

"Oh .  .  . or alcohol."

"Yes, um, like alcohol, except it's spelled a little differently."

How to count to ten in Japanese

Noah had a night of very little sleep followed by 5 hours of hard core playing with a group of his friends at the indoor playground. Come 4:30 all that boy wanted was a nap. Unfortunately, he had to cope with his first Shorin-Ryu karate class instead.
If I hadn't joined in to "try it out" with him, he wouldn't have made it. He was a lot more shy and reticent to join in than usual. However, he was highly observant and remembered all of the moves he learned in the class. His sensei, Dieter Von der Marwitz, is from South Africa and represented his country twice in the World Grand Championships. Besides that, he is a very nice guy and Noah likes him quite a lot.
When they are doing their moves, they count to ten in Japanese. Noah wanted to learn how to do that before his next class on Monday. So, let's all learn how to count to ten in Japanese! Come on! It'll be fun!

1. Ichi (ee-chee)
2. Ni (knee)
3. San (sahh-nn)
4. Shi (she)
5. Go (go)
6. Roku (ro-koo)
7. Shichi (she-tchee)
8. Hachi (Ha!-tchee)
9. Kyu (Q)
10. Jyu (joo)

Holy Crap Birthday

It just hit me that Noah' birthday is this Sunday. Holy Crap, but I have a shit ton of stuff to do. For those who are interested in watching and/or joining in with a big group of kids on inflatable fun, the party is at Pump It Up in Plymouth from 3 - 5 PM.

After that, the fun moves to the Keathly house. There will be drinks and grilling. Please bring your own meat to grill and a beverage to share. We will have condiments, chips and whatnot.

Now I must go. I have a house to clean, purchases to make and a self inflicted haircut to fix on the boy's head.

See you Sunday!

I know what Stan and I are doing tonight . . .

Noah's Last Day of School

I remember buying our house while I was pregnant, not even worrying about the school system. The elementary school was okay, but realistically, a lot can change in 5 years, and I couldn't even imagine my yet to be born baby in kindergarten.

Yup, that seems like only yesterday, but in reality yesterday was Noah's last day of kindergarten.

Noah pouting on his last day of school.

His first day coincided with my test for a massage license in the City of St. Paul so I only had a couple of minutes to tear up before I had to get it together and focus on anatomy questions. Starting my new job was a perfect distraction for me and a huge change for all of us.

Noah on his last day of kindergarten.

Noah woke up this morning missing his teacher. Now he is standing, pajama pants around his ankles, singing a made up song and flipping the light switch on and off. Already, he has discovered the joy of summer vacation.

Noah with his teacher and assorted classmates.

To the 2008 Graduating Class of Northwestern College, my Alla Matter

First of all, let me say how honored I am to be speaking here today at Northwestern College. Seriously. I can't believe you can't get anyone better. I mean, really, you are a religious college and I haven't been to church in over ten years. You people must be desperate.
So, what I would say to the graduating class of 2008. Well, since I graduated in 1996 I have learned a lot that may help you on your journey in life. First off, let me assure you that I still believe in God. I play fast and loose with the term "God" but C.S. Lewis is still a revered writer in my book and I'm not just talking about the Narnia series and movies, although those are awesome.
Something I would like to impart is that so many professors, parents and pastors have and will tell you who and what God is. Don't listen to them. Listen to your heart. God doesn't kill. God doesn't take away basic human rights that everyone should have. In short, God doesn't play favorites. Political leaders will play with the term "God says" as well. They should not be listened to either. Religion and morality do not apply to politics - only law does. Please do not confuse what you believe is morally right with freedom.
Shame plays a big part in religion as well. If you are harming others, or yourself, you should be ashamed. But healthy living is not shameful. A healthy sex life is not shameful. Neither is drinking that is not done to excess. And card playing? Dancing? Mary Mother of God, have fun. Printed cards do not pave the way to hell. Neither does dancing or nicotine. Gamble your house away or pass out drunk when you're supposed to be babysitting and then we'll commence with the "you will never get into Heaven" smack down.
Attending a religious college has helped you avoid the sorority girl "I dated the fraternity" label. I mean, even wearing heavy eyeliner here is rebellious, so worse pitfalls have been avoided. Kudos to you! The extra 10K - 20K a year has kept you from venereal diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Just think, you could have been one of those chapel speakers crying about your aborted child, if you had attended the U of M.
I am proud of you. The Ex-Lax in the brownies trick will regale your friends for years to come at the Women's Support a Missionary League. I just hope your heart is in it. If not, be honest with yourself and your God, including who your God, who a trully just God is.
Thank you! Now that you all are graduates, you are freed from the Lifestyle Agreement and can drink alcohol, smoke and have premarital sex! The party starts at Dreamgirls (with free drinks from 9PM - 11Pm compliments of yours trully) and stops whenever you do! Good night Roseville, and God Bless!!!

Stay true to your roots.

Once Jesus got famous, he changed, man.

Why are You Tube Videos refusing to show up on my site?

They should! They really should! Especially this one.

I am a writer

Not because I want to be published with fans and money and all that good stuff. I would like that as well though, I mean, who wouldn't?

The real reason I am a writer, that I know I am a writer, is that I am compelled to write. Some of the self-sabotage I do, the bad habits I have, are because I am not writing. I am not using the outlet I inherently am compelled to use. I also have this all compassing knowledge that I can make people feel things. Only later in life do I realize that it's not to take care of the world, but to relate to it.

I know some writers. Writers like me. Jesse is a writer, his mother (and mine!) Reade is a writer. They both weave their words with emotion, intelligence and wit together on a page that makes you laugh, cry or ponder, "who the hell are these freaks?"

I am so proud of Reade. She is published on line, doing volunteer reporting that utilizes her intelligence, research and just plain ingenuity. Jesse is a master of not only the written word, but many languages of programming. Sometimes they kick his ass, but he fights back, with samurai-precision, bending the code with his very will.

At times, reading his blog brings back the fear I had at reading a poem my sister wrote about my grandpa's hands. It was so eloquent, so fucking spot on, that I instantly realized I could never top it. Of course, I was only twelve, and an older sister always makes you feel insignificant. The point is that I gave up my dream of writing at twelve and have had a hard time taking it seriously after that. Childhood, my friends, can fuck you up.

So I should start writing. For me. Shitty first drafts, as Anne Lamott would say. I should follow the example of my amazing mother and just start writing already! Even if it's about migrant swans, just start already!!!

I left my T-shirt in SanFrancisco. . .

I won't spill all the beans about our trip to "The City" but I can share a couple things.

First off: Noah flew the plane to SanFrancisco.


Stan got stoned for the first time in Haight Ashbury.

While Noah turned into a tiger (or were we tripping?)

Stan almost got killed at Fisherman's Wharf by a creepier-than-hell-mask-wearing, knife wielding maniac.


In 98% of all the pictures, Noah is channeling one of the bimbos from "The Price is Right."


And I turned 35.

The perfect summer drink

I am enjoying my G&T made with lime mineral water, lime and just a splash of gin. It would take about a dozen of these to equal a full shot of alcohol, so it's the perfect "I'm drinking, but not really drinking" summer drink.

Today was a doozie. I work tomorrow as well and need Sunday to finalize practically everything for the trip as well as get the house and puppy ready for our absence.

I have a lot to do. So, naturally, I am off to take a bath. I did just work 11 hours after all.

Also: Noah is watching a Scooby Doo episode with Scrappy Doo: the most annoying cartoon character of all time.

Not funny.

More cussing

In addition to "shitballs" I have expanded my vocabulary expediently with two more cuss words that bring me joy. I give you: fucktard (as in "they were fucked so hard, they were fucktard") and Jesus Christ Superstar.

I know, I am classy.

This one is for Jesse

I think I found the people you were with the other night.

Mediatemple?

And I think I really know just how the night ended.

Jesse?

My birthday tattoo.

I luvs it.

Ow

In the midst of learning how to play the game at work, I signed up for an extra shift. Okay at the time, but today is the day and I am dreading it. Extra money = good. Giving two 90 minute stone massages in a row = hellish.

Currently I am a walking billboard for someone who desperately needs to see a massage therapist. Thank all deities that Mark will be here tonight to work some of the pain out. If you hear screaming laced with swear words around 6PM tonight, that will be me.

Tattoo finalists

The bluebird on a barbed wire fence is out. Here are the finalists. The final product will probably be a version of the first picture.

Falling leaves. So pretty.

Fat bird with leaves and delicate branches.

I am so excited. I can't wait for my ink!

Live Journal

My live journal expired and was deleted. Please join me in a few seconds of silence in memory of what was. . .

Okay now that's over, what should my new livejournal/account name be? I am going to switch blogging sites so I can write some locked posts for my homies and write free of censoring so I can keep my job and friendships intact.

Your choices are:

• HoBag
• Bitchface
  
• Whore

Or you can come up with your own. That might be better. The most creative one wins the prize. Please don your thinking caps and come up with a doozie.

Books I read in March

Here are the wondrous books I read in March. Many of the authors I have read before, will read again, or both.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Object Lessons by Anna Quindlen
Sex and The City by Candace Bushnell
Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
Dog Behavior Answer Book by Arden Moore
Naked by David Sedaris
Mistress of the Art of Death by Ariana Franklin
Innocent Traitor by Allison Weir
Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

23.5 YTD means I will most likely read about 80 books this year. Nice.

Roller Derby Family

I know they have Roller Girls, but how about Roller Dudes? Or Family Derby Teams? We are so competitive, there would be blood, you know there would. Stan would ruthlessly tease the kids while Noah would tell the moms they were fat. I would cut to the chase and kick the dad in the balls with my skates. Fouls would be flying everywhere. It would be awesome.

Noah on skates.

Anyway, Noah and I got roller skates today. He is following in the wheel tracks of his mama, that boy is. I hope he has many enjoyable hours skating to a selection of music that does not mainly focus (or even include) Christian Contemporary.

It is happening.

It's time for my birthday tattoo!

I will be at Kore's Tatu Shop on 4/15 at 10:30 AM. Feel free to come and watch!

I knew the previous post would have reprocussions.

Because now, I has snow.

Itz Spring!

These carpets are clean!!!

I have achieved step one in the dog house training process: clean all odors and stains from carpet.

There are some great recommendations on line. I used a mixture of dish detergent, hydrogen peroxide and baking soda. 416 ounces of hydrogen peroxide took care of my large upstairs bedroom. Yes, I know. That is so not good, it is actually BAD.

Next up is dealing with the puppers. Stuff like walking her daily, letting her out consistently, blah, blah, blah.

Wish us luck!

Ooh! I remember what I was going to say!

I have changed my favorite swearword. It is now "shitballs."

You may now go back to your regularly scheduled life.

Also: shitballs!

Things I realized

1. I don't look good in red.
2. Gay men can have anal sex face to face. I don't know why I thought they were only able to do it doggy style. Thanks for the visual, book.
3. You should never move a half-full fish tank. They are sedentary items.
4. Time does not make annoying people any less annoying.
5. Religious expert believes the resurrection was metaphorical. Damn interesting.
   

I swear there was more, but once I am out of the cave of a massage room, I tend to forget the epiphanies I had in the quiet solitude of rubbing a naked person's ass.

On that note, happy Easter!

Books I read in February

The count is at lucky #13 as of February 29th

1. Cesar's Way by Cesar Millan
2. Turtle Moon by Alice Hoffman
3. The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella
4. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker
5. The Winter of the World by Carol Ann Lee
6. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

March has 8 books logged already. I'm enjoying the reading, as well as the list making. Who knew keeping track of what you've read could be so enjoyable?

San Francisco, here we come!

In 2000, Stan got laid off a week before our first family vacation in Austin, Texas. The whole time he worried about money and was horribly depressed. Since then, the only trips we have undertaken are weekend camping and bed and breakfast getaways.

This year, though, we are off to San Francisco! I am looking forward to spending time with my boys as we experience the city and kick back for a few days. We will be there solo for four days and then Stan's mom and sister are joining us for the last four days of the trip. We will be visiting relatives in Santa Rosa and also hope to see some of the sites: Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf and Chinatown as well as hit wine country and view some of the beautiful redwood forests.

It will be most awesome.

Any insider tips would be great! I'll even send you a postcard!

I got my first snarky blog comment!

I always wondered what I would feel like if I got smack comments on my blog. I didn't think it would happen, since only like three people read it and I know all of them. But, lo and behold, I got one!

Boy. I knew you were fairly egocentric - but didn't really get it until I read through a few of your blogs. Perhaps you might give a little thought to the idea that you are not the only one in your universe...there are others around you at home and at work.

Oh, I am chastised. My head, she is hanging low. Just kidding, I am amused. Obviously, someone doesn't like me. Boo-hoo! Someone is telling me that my blog, which is about me, is egocentric. At least they got the point. It's all about me, because it's my blog.

Next up in Lisa's blog: It's all Lisa, all the time!!!
Lisa's underwear drawer: updates for spring!
The latest drama as Lisa removes the dog pee smell from our carpet!
Lisa's continuing obsession with waxing.
Lisa's toe nail polish choices: should she go sheer or bold for vacation?
A hidden secret: Lisa and her struggles with going to the gym more than once a week. Possible intervention episode.
Keep coming back for your daily dose of LISA!!!

A little respite. Maybe.

Things at work are in flux. There is a possibility that my schedule may change. I am hoping to get one more night off to be home with the boys.

Also, I just put in a vacation request for our family San Francisco trip the first week of May. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

Reese, you dirty slut.

The pose makes me think something naughty is going on. When I read the caption, I was all, "Yeah, whatever!!!"

Here it is:
Reese Witherspoon models an Avon Empowerment Bracelet from a special seat – her own spot at the United Nations – during a news conference Tuesday to announce a partnership between Avon and the United Nations Development Fund for Women. "I think it is so important to make our daughters and our sisters and everyone whose lives we affect be aware that there are so many women without rights in this world," Witherspoon told PEOPLE at the event.

Seriously, I think she was telling us all to "Suck it!" and implying what whores and cheap ass product pushers Avon is. Besides, who stumps products at the UN? Avon is doing this for money and publicity. Hmm. . . maybe the gesture was for them. . .

Do not fuck with The Lisa

Last week I attempted to grab a piece of pizza from the dog and got bit. It punctured the skin a little, but didn't bleed. I kept up the good fight, not backing down, channeling the alpha, and won. I do love Davanni's pizza, but not enough to eat it after it's been in anyone else's mouth.

Anyhow, after that I have been ignoring the dog, giving her stern commands and basically putting her in her place. A few short moments ago I heard her chewing on something. A repeat performance, I went to her kennel and saw her chewing on aluminum foil. I told her, "No, drop it." in a calm deep voice and she immediately ran out of the kennel, leaving her treat behind for me to pick up.

Damn straight. I am bad ass.

Although I might need to tone it down a bit. Yesterday morning Noah said, "You get near my pancakes and I'm going to stick a fork in your neck." Ahh, Nickelodeon programing, with your pregnant teens and violent dialogue. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that I am paying extra to give him such wholesome programming.

OMG Jimmy Kimmel

Have you heard? He's fucking Ben Affleck.

Of course, it's only because Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon.

Wow. This really made my day. Except for one thing: The songs? Yup. They're stuck in my head.

One day my friends, one day.

If you are lucky, and very, very good, I will crochet you one of these. My friends, I present to you, the beard hat:

Or, if you are extra nice, the Dwarven Battle Bonnet!

Shrinking

Dude. I am so totally rockstar. You have no idea how awesome I am. Seriously.

Are you ready for this?

I now fit into size 14.

Amazing!

I went down a whole pants size. I have been wearing floppy loose fitting pants for awhile since I could not get it into my head that I actually am smaller. I weigh the same, so I would not even let myself try smaller pants. I was sure they wouldn't fit and I would be oh, so sad. Even though I could take off most of my size 16 pants without unzipping or unbuttoning them. Someone hit this girl over the head with a coconut. I mean, really.

I must have gained some muscle, but lost a little bit in the inches department.

I am motivated now, let me tell you!

SPOILER ALERT - Ruminations on LOST

Who are the Oceanic Six!?! I am guessing that there are more than six back. I mean, wouldn't Kate be in jail otherwise? Unless, given her survivor status, she was pardoned.

But, for now, I will list her as one of the six, since that is what is assumed.

1. Kate
2. Jack
3. Hurley

That leaves three more. My guess:

1. Claire (Aaron is there, but since he was in her uterus at the time doesn't count as a passenger)
2. Sun
3. Jin

Why?

• Desmond told Charlie he saw Claire and Aaron getting on a helicopter. That's why Charlie finally let himself die.
• Sun has to get off of the island so she and her baby will live. The only babies and mothers that have survived on the island are those that were conceived off of the island. So Jin and Sun need to go.
  

Other theories floating around:

• Michael is back this season. He is one of the six. Although I think he comes back dead and his was the funeral referred to in the last episode of season three that no one went to.
• Walt. If Michael comes back, Walt would be with him. Although he's always wanted to stay on the island. If Michael dies, there's really no one to stop him from that.
  
• Sawyer. Somehow I think he stays. No reasons, just a feeling. Although I think the, "I have to get back. He's waiting for me." that Kate refers to at the end of season three is their son. It's so obvious that Kate will be pregnant. The island makes everyone uber fertile.
• John Locke. Just because it would be the shocker to end all shockers.
• Hmm. . . Sayid? He does know how to fly a helicopter, after all.
  

UPDATE:
I just looked at a site that posts spoilers on LOST from people hanging around/working on the LOST set in Hawaii. (Sidenote: Renee & Dean you should be doing this on your days off!) According to them the Oceanic Six are:

1. Kate
2. Jack
3. Hurley
4. Sayid
5. Jin
6. Sun

The next episode will be about Sayid. So all of the "You will know #4 of the Oceanic Six" teasers are referring to him.

There are a lot more spoilers about LOST here. I haven't had time to read them all, but probably will. I don't mind spoiling my viewing. Especially since they might not be 100% true.

Project Runway (SPOILER ALERT)

If you want to look at all of the collections shown at Bryant Park, go here: http://www.wwd.com/fashionweek/fall2008. Use the menu on the right to choose "Project Runway" and you can see all of the collections.

My prediction: Christian will win. Not a big surprise.

My personal favorite: Chris. Now that is a big surprise. Unfortunately, I don't think he will make it to the top three. Even if he did, Christian's work would blow him out of the running. I still enjoyed his collection quite a bit though.

The worst: Sweet P. Not a big surprise here either. How did she make it this far!?!?!

Our car's rating is NC-17

We just got our license plates for our new car. We are so close to the best license plate ever, it's painful.

Our plate is: XXN-665

Weight Watchers (again)

It's sad to log on to sites I've used to lose weight in the past and find that I would have reached my goal long before now if I would have just stuck with it. Ah, regret. She is a good friend of mine. But no longer!

My goal has been to make it to the gym three times a week. I've made that goal once in the last month. On the positive side, I am in the gym at least once a week, every week. That, my friends, is progress.

Stan and I both want to lose weight and eat healthier. So I have rejoined Weight Watchers on line. SparkPeople is good, but I like Weight Watchers better. The points program is more motivating, since you get extra points to use when you are more active. Did an hour or two of intense, back breaking housework? Now you can have a cookie! To put it succinctly, it's just plain easier and more enjoyable to use.

I have three months until our tentative trip to California. I would like to lose 10 pounds.

Off to the gym! I'm going to earn myself a cookie!

Books I Read in January

I decided to keep track of all of the books I read this year. You know, for fun.

Here is my list of books I read (and finished) in January (in order of my favorites):

1. Fun Home (Tragicomic) by Alison Bechdel
2. Veronica Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho
3. Faceless Killers by Mankell Henning
4. A Long Way Gone by Ichmael Beah
5. I Capture The Castle by Dodie Smith (yeah! my dog's name is Dodie!)
6. I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
7. The Lost by David Mendelsohn

It is February 4th and I have almost finished another book, so there is more book info. to come.

If you have a good book you have read lately, or a favorite you would like to recommend, please let me know!

I am working on a life time list of books I have read (to the best of my recollection) as well as a top 10 (or so) list for the end of the year.

My thanks this month to my amazing Mom, Reade, for a loan of all but one of the amazing books I read that are listed above. Thanks for introducing me to such amazing works!

At Fifteen Below Zero, Even The Dog Wears A Hat

Jacket: $12.99

Hat: $4.99
Shaming my dog for my own enjoyment: Priceless.

For god's sake, please get this off me.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. . .

I'm an auntie

Julia Rae

Since I am Minnesotan, it will be pronounced, "ANT-ie." No Southern drawing out of the first two syllables here, people.

Her name is Julia Rae. She is a tiny little 8 pound, 10 ounce bundle of cuteness you simply want to squeeze too hard and talk to in a high pitched voice. She is the only baby I have seen smile on the day she was born. Radiantly. Constantly. She is a peach of a girl. I think she looks like her dad.

"Ketchup"*

I have written a few blog posts in my head over the past week or so, but somehow they never ended up published here. I guess I need to work on my mental prowess.

So, let's bullet point this baby, shall we?

ON WORK

• I finally finished my training, thank all applicable deities. I can hang out Monday, Wednesday and Saturday nights. Sunday is wide open, also the day we usually like to crash and wear pajamas as much as possible.
  
• Two of my clients last week had their spouses die recently. It was creepy and made me want to hug Stan immediately.
• I have also had many good client stories to tell. Stan thinks I should write a book. I'm taking the suggestion seriously.
• My wrists and shoulders hurt like a son of a bitch. I need to work lighter.
  

ON LIFE

• We bought a new Honda Fit Sport. I suspect it is made out of candy, it is soooo sweet.

Yes, it is blue. The red and white stripes are on order.

• I finally started working out again! Hooray!!!
• It looks like we are hosting an Eller family gathering here on Sunday. The secret fact that our house smells like dog pee is going to be out. Oops, guess I blew it already.

ON THE BOY

• Noah has been very emotional and sentimental of late. He never, ever wants to turn 6. We read his baby book at least once a day.
  
• His favorite number is 138. He wants to do everything 138 times. He wants 138 of everything. Although he never wants to grow old (see above) he vehemently claims he is 138 years old.
• He likes to be called "Lord Noah" and calls me "Daisy Mom" when we play upper class fancy people. This usually occurs during bath time for some strange reason.
• He likes to use the word "pizzaz" as in, "Mom, that bed time story had no pizzaz."
  

That, in brief, should catch you up to date on my life. Today I have the day off and have so far slept, showered, watched TV and blogged. Now it is time to get pretty and get some cleaning done. I've got a lot of carpet shampooing to do!

*If you read this and automatically thought of the punch line from Pulp Fiction, you are the cooliest.

I drew the line at getting on all fours with no undies.

Because I do have some pride, although I know sometimes, you people wonder.

The estheticians in training were having a horrible time doing Brazilian waxing. Our illustrious teacher came to the rescue, but needed a model. Guess who was stupid, I mean, brave enough to volunteer?

That's right. I got myself a free waxing and all I had to do was let four ladies stare at my va-jay-jay for 15 minutes.

I guess since Stan grew a beard I felt I could lose my lady one, but it feels a little, I don't know, unprotected down there. I lost all the insulation. I will probably keep it to a bikini from now on, but at least I can say I tried it.

Oh, yeah, I was going to write about the pain. It was about as painful as my first bikini wax, except for the main triangle of hair on top. That hurt like HELL.

And the result is . . .

NEGATIVE!

Throwing up two mornings in a row convinced me I was preggers. Turns out it was just a weird case of PMS, or a two day allergy to coffee.

Although if Noah does have a sibling one day, he decided on names already:

"Pinky" for a girl and "Spider Man" for a boy. Good names, both of them.

2007 A Summary

What a year. It probably won't live in infamy, but meh, whatever, a lot happened to the Keathly family. Here are some highlights:

• Nemy and I flew to Hawaii to spend a sister's week with Renee.
• Renee and I got matching turtle tattoos.
• Jesse moved out - for the last time?
• Noah had his last year at ECFE in April. It ended with a program where Noah said he would be grown up at age 30 and wanted to be a builder of robots and sleep on the top bunk.
• Noah played summer T-ball.
• Stan and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. It's good, no it's great, to be Mrs. Keathly.
  
• Noah started all day kindergarten in September. Yes, I cried, but not in front of him.
• After 5 years of spotty employment, I have a full time job again.
• I had my first ride in an ambulance and it only cost $600!
• Noah got glasses. Looking back, we realize that he probably needed them at least 2 years ago.

In 2008 we hope to:

• Buy a new car - Honda Fit?
• Start going to the gym regularly.
• Visit Ken & Ingrid's family in Olympia, WA.
• Pay at least 50% of our debt off.
• Spend a lot of quality time together and with those we love.

Personally, I resolve to:

• Work out at the gym regularly.
• Read more on the elliptical than soaking in the tub.
• Organize and purge clutter from the house.
• Walk Dodi every day.
• Get to bed at a decent time.

I have a good feeling about this year.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm a New Yorker at Heart. Or an impatient asshole. Your pick.

I had 20 minutes for lunch on Friday (none on Saturday, but that is a whole different story). I went to Cafe Latte, but the line was four miles long. So I went across the street to their bastard child, Bread and Chocolate and the line was three people long. Hooray!

Then I realized that two of these people were in the giggly new flush of love. Shit. They were so busy ogling each other they didn't even look at the menu until it was their turn, which, goodness gracious, they thought was so cute! You could tell they were thinking, "the world, it can not intrude on special, wonderful us." After finally tearing their eyes away from each other long enough to order, they meandered to the register. To fondle. Not to pay. Good Lord, why would they do such a thing!?!

I got my food and stood waiting while they finally thought to pay. Then it was a fight of who would pay. Finally, after what seemed like hours, fucking god damn hours, he paid the cash while she dug in her purse for the exact change. After handing the money over, they locked eyes and smiled at their unity in a cash transaction.

It was so sweet I wanted to tear their heads off and dunk them in coffee, hot, scalding coffee.

So yes, my heart is black, but god damn it people, there is a moral here and that is "don't fuck with my lunch."

I think I just might be losing it.

"Hmm. . ." I wonder to myself, "do I smell the sharp, pungent aroma of dog pee, or is that just the coffee maker?"

"Do they smell the same?"

"Probably not."

"I think I'm just losing it."

Xmas card - Starring: The Keathlys, Jesse, Sarah and a special guest appearance by Melanie's hat!

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

No wonder he didn't like T-ball.

Noah got glasses today. He wished for them, so he could look like Daddy. I imagine that the evil eye fairy came in the middle of the night and with a swish-swish of her wand, took away some of his vision. Damn fairy.

It's also easier to blame the fairy than myself, especially when he failed the vision part of his pre-K screening almost two years ago. The teacher thought he could see but was just fooling around so I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to it. Bad Lisa. Very, very, bad Lisa.

My consolation? The kid looks damn good in his new glasses.

Hmm . . . I wonder how long I can milk mama's guilt on this one. . .

Damn, baby! I DO look good in glasses!!!

The bad news? He was diagnosed with nystagmus which is an "involuntary eye movement which usually results in some degree of visual loss." When he focuses on something while looking straight ahead you can see his eyes wiggle back and forth. He will tilt his head to the side and try to look out of the corner of his eye to make the wiggling stop. At this point we don't know what is causing it or what the degree is. They made a referral to a pediatric optomologist so we will know more after that appointment. All I really know is that it is frightening.

Holy Catch-up Batman.

This morning I spent two and a half hours paying bills, making appointments, filling out forms and in general, catching up on all the necessary chores that keep our lives humming along smoothly.

It's surprising how many things I take care of every day. No wonder I love hiding in the bathtub every night. There's bills to pay, appointments to organize, filters to change, animals to have groomed, people to feed. The list could be endless, especially with my vivid imagination.

I however, have prevailed. At least for today. My list of things to do is finished. I did everything on it, no matter how trivial.

Now I am off to clean the living room so Noah and I can put up the Christmas tree.

Yea for feeling accomplished and an evening of Christmas music and my zany child full of quirky antics to look forward to!

Crappy Thanksgiving

My week:

MONDAY 7:30 A.M.
Woke to the two main symptoms of the flu (you know what they are people, no need to get graphic). The neighbor walked Noah to school and picked him up. I spent the day in the bathroom and the closest soft horizontal surface to the toilet. I have never been so sick in my life.

MONDAY 11:45 P.M.
Horrific stomach cramps. So painful. COULD NOT BREATHE. Could not stop shaking. Took an ambulance to the hospital so they could pump me full of fluids and potassium.

TUESDAY
Missed an hour of training. No biggie. Started easting solid foods. Slept 3/4 of the day.

WEDNESDAY
Pushed myself to attend 3 hours of training in the morning. Big mistake. Body called, "Mutiny!' and I was back on the couch for the rest of the day. Oh yeah, and now Stan is sick too. Kind lady Sarah brings us sustenance.

THURSDAY
Sadness ensues. We cannot go to Thanksgiving. We had been looking forward to this day at Reade and John's house for weeks. Instead Stan and I sleep the day away while Jesse and Sarah bring Noah over to the feast. They brought us leftovers, but it wasn't the same.

FRIDAY
I call in sick to my 11 hour shift at work. Have option to cuddle in a corner for the Walker family Thanksgiving. Although I am tempted, since I am missing this, the most glorious of holidays, I am not up for it. Besides, there are two babies with wee immune systems who must be avoided. Noah might go to play with the cousins though.

Add to this that my other sisters are

1. Working on Thanksgiving over 1,000 miles away
2. Evicted and also sick
   

and this is truly a horrid holiday. Life, she is a bitch.

Having kids is the bestest thing ever to happen. Despite everything I have said to the opposite. Really. I like him very much.

I was reading Noah a story in his bed. He was cuddled up in his blanket, leaning against me.

Suddenly! The child was moving his foot around in the mound of blankets and exclaimed, "Mom! I found a secret tunnel!"

Children are most excellent. Especially mine.

OMG! Project Runway! Squeal!!!

I am so excited I could poop.

My guy

I just checked on Noah and Stan, who are both cuddled up asleep in bed, snoring. Noah looks like a miniature Stan, whose quiet snores even imitate his Dad. It's one of those warm and fuzzy moments of my life where I realize how lucky I am to have Noah, and most of all, to have Stan.

Stan and Noah the morning after our camping trip from H-E-L-L.
An hour earlier Stan was curled up in the backseat of the car, trying to sleep through a thunderstorm. Tired and sore, he still is up for coloring games with Noah at IHOP.

When I talk about Stan, I smile. I simply can't help it. I met him when I was 17. Seven years later we started dating. A year and 47 days after our first date, we were married.

Things weren't always roses and sunshine. There were stages. Like:

• Getting to know each other
  
• Yikes, this marriage thing is forever.
  
• Did I give up my freedom too young?
• Wow, his family is whacked.
• Man, oh man, my family is a freak show.
• Is is time for counseling?
• New baby colic time.
• Gee, it would be nice to have more money.

We have grown up together. We are still growing together. We have gone through a horrendous amount of extended family turmoil and came out mostly, if not completely, intact.

The life we have built together is a very good one. When we do have trials, we know that there is a loving, caring partner waiting at home to patch our wounds and empathize. I have never loved coming home more than after I married Stan.

Stan channeling Harry Potter through the cheesy glow in the dark Harry Potter glasses I got at the Barnes and Noble release party for the 7th book in the series. Not only does Stan love me, but he puts up with my incessant reading. The man is a saint.

Stan is 38 on Friday. I have gotten material gifts for him, but what I really want to give him is an excellent year full of fun, adventure and, most of all, love.

Happy Birthday to my one and only true love.

Jesus Vs. Republican Jeezus

My three day weekend.

Three days? Really? It seems more like one.

Friday night I was home at the ripe old time of 5:00 PM and I am off until Tuesday morning. This is a taste of what the 9-5, M-F types get. I like it. I don't like making only $8 during my two weeks of training, but whatcha gonna do?

Saturday I whisked Stan away to the Nicollet Island Inn for the night. It wasn't as glamorous or fun as I planned, but three days of taking care of a sick, over-emotional child will do that to you. It was all we could do to keep awake after dinner for the short walk to our room.

We were looking forward to a good night of uninterrupted sleep, but the Sleep Number bed we were trying out was uncomfortable. We hated it. Reade and John said it took some getting used to, but I believe a mattress should be comfy from the start.

Sarah and Jesse came to our rescue when Grandma Reade came down with a cold and babysat Noah for the night. In return for their kindness they got a boy hyped up on cold medicine and ribs for dinner. Not a fair trade in the least, but they still said yes.

In the morning I wanted to take them to Hell's Kitchen for breakfast. We arrived to find a 90 minute wait, so we ate at the Newsroom instead. The food was okay, but the service sucked.

Which brings us to today. A day for errands and hanging with the boy. Then it's back to the grind. No more Saturdays off for me!

Sigh.