Happy Wedding Anniversary to me and Stan!

Today is our eight year wedding anniversary. That means a gift of Bronze/Pottery (traditional list) or Linens/Lace (from the modern list). Really people, two lists? Are people really buying this? If so, which list should be used? What if we choose the wrong one? The horror!!!


Anyhow, we skipped the presents all together and ran away for 24 hours instead to the beautifully appointed Wildwood Lodge in Lake Elmo. We booked the King whirlpool suite. It was heavenly.

We ate dinner at the Dock Cafe in Stillwater. We didn't eat outside, but sat windowside so we could appreciate both the view and the air conditioning. We started out with drinks and ceviche, which was so yummy I could have eaten the whole plate myself. I had excellent herb seared scallops and Stan loved his honey soy glazed salmon. I would go back there for dinner in a heartbeat.

Jesse and Sarah took our parental place with Noah and lived in our shoes while we were gone. Noah had a great time and Sarah is threatening Jesse's position as the perennial favorite. Sunday we took them out for brunch before they were free to live their life, once again kid free.

It was a good weekend.

Harry Potter - Deathly Hallows - Book 7 - MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

On Friday night I went to see the spectacle of Harry Potter Fans at the Roseville Barnes & Noble. The "party" they threw was lame, but the people watching, whew, boy, that was priceless. There were a lot of good costumes. Unfortunately, I didn't get good pictures of them, but I did get pictures of the ladies I went with.

The ladies. only one of them bought a book after spending 3 1/2 hours of waiting.

It was definitely a night for teenagers. The geeks were flaunting their Harry Potter love in all it's glory and the "cool kids" wore perfect Harry Potter costumes while their girlfriends wore slutty outfits with black Hogwart's robes open to show off their young, nubile flesh. My favorite couple was the gay one that practically mounted each other while waiting in line. I guess if Harry Potter was gay and cloned, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of himself.

My favorite Harry Potter of all time though? Stan.

Stan models glow in the dark Harry Potter glasses.

I finished the book before putting Noah to bed on Sunday night. Unlike the last movie, it wasn't a disappointment. It had the good old happy ending that I expected, with a little real life (death) mixed in. Harry is killed but can choose to come back, and does. Who says this book is anti-religion!?! It's a total C.S. Lewis resurrection moment! Then he kills Voldemort after a cocky dialog, where he calls him "Riddle" and which I enjoyed. Give me 2 - 3 years and I will look forward to re-reading the entire series again.

The sweet, sweet smell of success (I hope!)

I finished my second interview yesterday morning. Monday I had a group interview and received an e-mail reply that they "loved me!" complete with exclamation point.

Friday morning I gave a technical interview where I gave a full body 60 minute massage (in 75 minutes). The woman echoed loving sentiments, complimented me on my muscle work and interpersonal skills and unofficially told me I should be getting an official offer.

Next step: the final interview. I am waiting to hear from either the spa director or the head of human resources to set this up.

I am excited to work somewhere that provides education opportunities as well as a lovely smelling place to work in. I'm not sure how this will effect my current clientèle yet, but someday hope to only be working out of the spa. My massage career seems to be picking up steam and I am happy.

Oh no, she didn't!

I had a group interview at XXXX last night. We had to stand in front of 2 employees and 16 other interviewees and answer some questions. One was "what 3 words describe you?" One girl got up and said that she was very loving. Then she lost it. You could see her little brain clicking into overtime, but she simply could not think of a way to elaborate on the spot, without, as you will read, totally humiliating herself. She said, "I love very. . . . . hard. I'm a VERY HARD LOVER."

Oh. My. God. In. Heaven. I'm surprised she didn't bold right then and there. I thought it was hilarious, but it seemed that no one else in the room was having the internal struggle I was to keep it together. I guess the rest of them were just cool like that.

Jesse took some pictures of us.

Stan was a goof ball.

"If only it was plugged in."

"Toyota!"

I was sneery.

"Damn kid and his damn toys."

All for the sake of thirty dollars.

I used to think that pet grooming was expensive.

Dodi 3/4 of the way through grooming.

Now I am astounded, astounded I say, that a mere $30 would get someone else to wash my dog, cut her hair and nails and brush her teeth.

Note the perfectly even shave job on her torso! If only you could see it in person, when the thin spots really pop!

The directions looked easy, the DVD demonstration was a breeze, but the (halfway) finished product shows my lack of experience with both a scissors and a razor.

What did you do to me?

I still need to finish her feet and legs, but will need an assistant for that part. I'm not happy with the cut, but am thrilled that I didn't cut her or leave a bald spot. I'm going to try and refine, I mean, learn some skills for this job. If I can't cut it (bad pun, couldn't resist) I'll take her back to the grooming salon with my figurative tail between my legs. I'm not ready to give up quite yet, but am more than happy to accept help and or tips.

Aww!! Who is the cutest pillaging five year old scourge of the seven seas? You are!

Noah turned five. I was, as usual, procrastinating on getting the party together and was scrambling at the last minute. At least I was telling myself it's okay that the house isn't 100% clean and the party wasn't meticulously planned. Sure beats the mental flogging I used to give myself. And it was okay. I wish I had it a bit more together, but life is what it is and I'm probably not going to change my methods anytime soon.

At least I made sure Noah had a great costume!

Jesse and Sarah showed up early, bless their dressed up for my kid's party hearts. They both helped, and then Jesse crashed on the couch for a bit before the pirate crew showed up. Both took tons of pictures and helped me with the games.

Sarah's outfit rocked hard. Although her neighbors thought she was off for a day at Ren Fest.

Stan even got in on the fun and borrowed Jesse's hat for a bit.



We played some games like: find the pieces of 8 in the sandbox, bash the brains, I mean candy, out of the pirate pinata, and pin the flag on the pirate ship. We also had an egg and spoon race with a game set I found at Target. It was awesome.

Bean bag egg with yolk. Genius!

So all's well that ends well. The boy got lots of great gifts and was so tuckered out by the end of the day he had a meltdown which his good old Uncle Boot handled for me. Noah is still mad at him for the talking to he got, but I'm sure he'll get over it.

After the party Stan was off for a guy's night of playing video games and eating pizza at Eric's house and Nemy and Boot helped me clean up. Then Nemy and I set up my tent (Which I finally learned how to set up correctly! I love my tent now!) and gave it a good washing. I owe her big time for that one.

The boy was so over stimulated he didn't get to sleep until 10:30 (2 hours after his bedtime). I stayed up for a bit nursing a glass of wine and chilling with a good book. Finally, Stan was home and we were all down for the count.

Good day. Huge, grown up kid. Wow. I remember when he looked like this.

Noah

Last weekend we went camping. For one night. In Coon Rapids. Yup, we're suburban campers! It was a good thing we stayed close to home though, since the weather Friday night sucked and we ended up packing up for home at 6 AM Saturday morning.

Bunker Hills campsite is a good one. I only wish there was a lake or swimming beach that was free. Instead there is the water park ($10 a person) complete with a PA system that can be heard in the campground.

Noah had a blast. We took him on a pony ride and then the kid played hard at the campsite. He got really dirty.

Noah before taking a shower and burning his clothes.

On Father's Day we went to the Stone Arch Bridge Art Festival. Our primary objective: to test drive a Smart Car. Even Noah got in on the fun:

Yo, Mom, can I have the keys?

Ah, the boy's last weekend as a 4 year old. Today he turns five. I have a dinner party to throw tonight and a kid's party to throw tomorrow. To say I am not ready is a severe understatement at this point. At least I have lots of adults showing up tomorrow who can help me keep the kids busy.

Finslippy

Okay, the internets is so good this week, I don't even need to blog myself.

Take finslippy, for instance. When Noah graduated from preschool, I was a mess. I blogged about it, but in no way did my post even come close to the majesty of expression when she went through the same thing.

Observe or read my favorite parts:

I am outraged.

I just returned from a marathon of emotional manipulation the likes of which I have not experienced since that fucking E.T. almost died but then (spoiler alert!) didn't die and returned to his alien peoples. And I am outraged! I said that already.

Change is good, unless it arrives in the form of your child graduating and his school faculty and administration creating an event designed solely to make you sing "Sunrise, Sunset" to yourself and leave mascara puddles on your husband's button-down.

Fussy

I seriously could not stop laughing when I read this:

The point of this ridiculous story is, if you're ever in the room with Jack and you hear me burp, Jack will inevitably go, "pfffffft," and then it's your turn to say, "meow."

Fussy (click to read the whole ridiculous story) has a great blog, but it's not as good as one she recommends: Patrick Hughes. He just wrote a book that looks great, but as Fussy points out, you can read most of it on his website for free. I feel like a schmuck for saying that though, I mean, the book is only $10. His writing is akin to Jesse's or maybe it's just that his ass and poop fixation is the same. Anyhow, you'll have to check it out for yourself.

Is my kid already fucking with me? I think maybe.

Tonight Noah snuck up behind me and whispered in my ear, "You're so thinking Beneful." Perfect inflection from the commercial. Swear to God.

I wonder, was he just being funny, or did he really mix me up with the dog?

Camping

Friday we are going to Bunker Hills Campground in Coon Rapids. Not too far, not too close, but just the right distance away. We'll be in campground number 38 if you're in the area.

I am looking forward to taking Noah to the water park and for some good old hiking, during which Noah will be riding a pony! Nice.

Monday, Monday

Ah, the weekend is over and it's back to life as I know it.

The garage sale was not really worth the work we put into it. Although one neighbor did tell me we priced things way too low. When you just want to clear shit out, I guess it's hard to put a value on it. Hell, we would have let someone take everything off our hands for a mere $30.

This week we have to clear the garage out, yet again, and hope scavengers come to take the rest so we don't have to cart it all to the thrift store. Stay posted for a link to Craigslist and twincitiesfreemarket.

The family gathering was okay. Stan kicked ass on cleaning the house and I held myself together until 11PM when I crashed and slept for 12 hours.

Sunday was a throwaway day. Mostly spent sleeping and watching TV. We did get the roundabout ready for biking though. I can't wait to try it out.

I have been lazing about but now must start getting ready for our day (at 11:30, I know, my life is soo hard). Noah is off to a friend's house and I am off to get a massage. Then, who knows? The day is our oyster.

Tick, tock.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin' into the future . . .

And we are kind of screwed.

House cleaned for relatives? No

Yard mowed? No

Food bought? Cake made? Um, not really. . .

Garage sale ready for tomorrow? That's a big 10-NO. And with Jesse hung over today I have a feeling tonight and tomorrow are going to be very interesting.

Am I freaking out? Not really. The garage sale is Jesse's thing so I going to let him worry about it. And I have all of tomorrow to whip the house into shape, with Stan's help.

So now I just have to get ready and set up for a client in an hour before I take off to have lunch at a friend's house.

To use another analogy, it's time to start my engines. Or get ready to rumble. Fly like an eagle. All that shit.

Sum, sum, summertime.

Summer, she makes me lazy. It's the sun that does it, making me all warm and sleepy, wanting nothing more than to stretch, cat like, with a big yawn and bask in all it's glory.

I have no structure and no intrinsic motivation to develop it. Yet I plan things I sometimes think about in passing, and other times in great detail. Working on said plans is another matter altogether.

I should be careful. This could cause stress.

Case in point: the weekends of June:

UPCOMING: Weekend Yard Sale and Birthday Party for Noah and his cousin. Both being held here, on the same day. "Crazy?" you ask. "Yes, yes, I am," I reply. But let us continue:

FOLLOWING: Camping for Father's Day weekend. Really just an excuse to get away from the relatives, but takes planning nonetheless. After all, the Jiffy Pop is not going to buy itself.

LASTLY: Noah's kid birthday party. I indeed did go crazy for this and invited 20 kids. Not all will show, thank Jehovah, but there are still games to plan, cupcakes to bake and a house to clean.

Oh, it's summer, I don't work much, I can get lots done! But, oh! Oh! Look at that sun, and the couch, with all its various pillow and comforter accouterments. I have oodles of time, don't I?

Don't I???

Oh Lord, I am in trouble. . .

YARD SALE!

On Saturday (and possibly Sunday) we will be having a Yard Sale for 9 AM - 4 PM with Jesse. Stop on by! Score some deals! We would like to get rid of stuff and you, yes you, can be the lucky recipient!

Noah's dream of selling lemonade is also coming true. He has been given the good news that he can have a lemonade stand at the sale and is busy drawing up plans. I have been informed the stand should be made of all wood, have a box frame, not just legs, and have a banner on top proclaiming, "Noah's Lemonade Stand - Now Open for business!!' I was thinking more along the lines of his plastic kid's table with a sign on the side, but I'm sure we can meet somewhere in the middle.

Oh, and for an additional quarter, Noah will also draw your portrait. This is an opportunity not to be missed. And yes, we will let him keep all of his profits, in his piggy bank college fund.

Creativity, it's in our DNA.

On Sunday I attended a baby shower for one of Stan's cousins. I don't know her well, but if confronted with her in public her face would have rang a bell, and I had a 50/50 chance of remembering her name.

Keep this in mind when I tell you that we were asked to chip in $26 each, along with purchasing an individual gift by my mother in law. Call me miserly, but I was thinking more along the lines of $10. She had already bought the car seat though, so I swallowed my sarcastic comments and retorts and told her the $26 would be it. She asked me if I was making something then, since I crochet. I said I didn't have time, but in the end whipped up a pair of booties - my first attempt at such a project. Total cost: 25 cents. Time: 45 minutes.

I think they turned out pretty good.

Noah has been creative as well, utilizing all sorts of mediums. Unfortunately, this morning, he chose the floor as a canvas. Thankfully it came off easily.

Boy totally got grounded for this anorexic Frankenstein.

Becoming White Trash or Killing Dog?

A neighbor just rescued Dodi while she ran back and forth across Johnson Street and returned her. I am thinking again of enclosing the yard in chicken wire over Stan's protests.

If only we had a normal dimensional yard and could afford a real fence.

Now the question: what to give to the neighbors to say "thank you." Would a $5 gift certificate to someplace like Caribou Coffee be enough? Even if they don't drink coffee, they could get a tasty smoothie.

Jesse Mullan Fan Club

I think instead of membership cards, we will all have brown thread bracelets, kind of like the Kabalah red ones. Remember when everyone was wearing one? Yeah, well, brown is the new red.

In case you were wondering, yes, this is an homage to how much Jesse likes to poop.

Damn, baby!!!

I booked three massages today. That means I have six massages booked for next week.

Let's review, shall we? My goal was 10 in two weeks. I have six. This is more than I hoped for, deep down in that shadowy region of my soul we call "doubt." I am actually starting to believe I may reach my silly little Massage A Thon goal. And if I don't, six is still rock solid awesome. Things, they are looking better, and I am breathing easier.

Now I need to use my powers for good to start a Jesse Mullan Fan Club. All proceeds go directly to Jesse Mullan, who needs an influx of cash even more than we do. I will arm wrestle Sarah for the presidency.

Jesse Mullan

I'm thinking of starting the membership prices low, for those who want to get in on the ground floor and say they were there at the very beginning.

Something like:

LIFE TIME MEMBERSHIP: $25
Gets you a lifetime supply of Jesse. Every year you get from Jesse: a Christmas and birthday card, one honorary blog post saying how awesome you are and two invitations to a party thrown by Jesse at which you will receive one free Summit beer each time. Jesse will also attend one of your parties or gatherings a year (at which you cover all expenses, if any). Your membership card will be a one of a kind creation from Jesse's little brother Noah.

YEARLY MEMBERSHIP: $10
Gets you a year of Jesse's infrequent attention. You will get a birthday card and an invitation to one of Jesse's parties at which you will receive one free Summit beer. Your membership card will be a one of a kind creation from Jesse's little brother Noah.

HONORARY POSEUR MEMBERSHIP: $5
You can tell people Jesse is your BFF and he won't deny it. You must make your own membership card.

Let's get this thing moving people. The pledge drive starts now!