Because we are trying to kill whatever soul Jesse has left until he moves.

Actual morning conversation:

J: You're taking Noah with to your gyno exam?
L: Yes, because I want to ensure he has something to talk about in therapy when he's older.
J: Do you really think that's appropriate?
L: It's only a yearly checkup.
J: Yes, but you said you were going to get a PAP.
L: So? He watched me get one last year.
J: Yuck, stop. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
L: He had his face right there.
J: I'm not listening to you!
L: It was like anal probing a cow, his little arm went all the way in.
J: I'm in the bathroom. I'm shutting the door. The shower is too loud. I can't hear you!
L: Then I told him, "yup, that's where daddy's penis goes."

Ah, I'll miss Jesse.