Shopping for our weekend getaway. . .

The cashier says, "Since you spent over $30 you get a free DVD! Just pick one from the basket."

Yippee! And hmm. . . which one to choose? I narrowed to down to two: "She-Male Love" and "Casting Couch."

I would tell you which one I got, but that would be TMI. After all, I do have boundaries!

We like our romance with a hint of horror: Part 2 of 3

So, where was it I left you hanging? Ah! There you are. As I was saying, we wanted somewhere relaxing, elegant, quiet. We had booked a room at The Water Street Inn in Stillwater, MN. We received a confirmation call that included two disturbing facts:

1. The rest of the inn was booked with a wedding party and guests.
2. Our room was a smoking room.

We canceled the reservation and were on the internets, yet again, to find a place to stay. We decided on The Outing Lodge.

Ah! Pretty!

The reservations were made, $20 was saved and we were set! Then I made the mistake of looking at reviews. Here are my top two faves:

This one was titled: "Strange, Private, Interesting."
"The building is very old, and kind of reminded me of the movie The Shinning. Not so much in a bad way though. . . however, I won't say to anyone don't ever go there, it was interesting in a strange and rustic way."
How can it remind you of The Shining in a good way?

This was titled: "Worst B&B I have even encountered!!!! Not Safe! Beware!"
"Driving up the long dirt road I looked to my left and saw an old rusted white van with junk scattered all around it. Pulling up the the house was more rusted old vehicles that hadn't been moved in what looked like decades. I felt like I was in one of those old horror movies that you never made it out alive."
"Our room was musty smelling and the lock on the door could have been picked by a two year old."
"If you stay in room 3 look out the bathroom window and view the face implanted in the concrete of the stoop. Creepy...yes!" (We are in room 1 but will peek in room 3 if we get a chance! I want photo evidence!)
"When it comes down to it this place is just a front page headline news story waiting to happen. And let me just say we did not want to be the names on the headline. Stay far away from this creepy, trashy, desolate lodge. It would be better to stay with your inlaws."

So, here we are. Adventure and possibly mutilation await! Oh, and did I forget to mention that it was the scene of a horror movie? It's called My Life in the Horror and no, I am not kidding. I think we might want to write our wills and up those insurance policies.

The question on your mind right now must be: "Why are you not canceling your reservation!?!" Well, we don't trust review sites 100% and we are curious to a fault. If it is spectacularly horrible, we will leave immediately. Otherwise, we'll bring our video camera and see if we can capture a Ghost Hunters moment. Hopefully we won't have a 1408 experience, or it's alternate ending. Besides, the stories? They will be golden. We can tell already.

We like our romance with a hint of horror: Part 1 of 3

Ten years ago, Stan and I walked into The Cotton Mansion in Duluth and Stan said, "I feel like I am in the setting of every B horror movie ever made." Needless to say, it wasn't the honeymoon setting I was hoping for. Since our visit, they have cleaned and remodeled the mansion, but the feel of the entry is still the same.

The dirt encrusted dome is now shiny clean, however, the dark woodwork and blood red velvet remain. Unfortunately, you can not see the carved cherub faces which appear every few steps a la The Haunting. I swear I saw those mother fuckers move. Conveniently located at the top is a circular hallway, perfect for chase scenes and lots of doors for a Scooby Doo comedy bit.

Our room was the Sunset Room. The room itself looks the same, but the bathroom underwent a makeover. When we stayed there it was all white. It looked so institutional, we thought it was a replica from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Now look at it:


Imagine this bathroom stark white with a bare heat register, no curtains, rugs or lace. There was a step stool to get into the tub. We were having a romantic bubble bath, with candles and wine when Stan leaned over and whispered in my ear this sweet nothing: "I feel like there are dead people watching us." It killed the mood and we dried off and watched Caddy Shack to dispel the evil spirits. On a similar note, it probably didn't help that we watched an afternoon matinee of The Blair Witch Project.

With our 10th anniversary looming on the horizon, we have joked about staying at the Cotton Mansion, but simply can not bring ourselves to step foot in the creepy cavern of an entryway again. We wanted somewhere elegant, quiet and relaxing. So I made reservations for a B&B in Stillwater, far from the ghostly reach of the spirits of the Cotton Mansion. Or so I thought. . .

More to say in Part 2: The Reckoning.

Facebook is ruining my blog.

Also:

Crackwhore says what?

Noah is Seven.

Happy Birthday to my larger than life kid.

Details and pictures of the day to follow!

Noah has his first loose tooth.

I think I am going to have to buy him this.

What your tattoo location says about you

How to use bacon

Camping!!!

Memorial Day Weekend we went camping at the Old Barn Resort in Preston, MN. It was the first time I camped outside of a state park. Instead of sites separated by trees, there was a big field with gravel roads leading to the individual sites. At first, the lack of privacy was unnerving, but once we set up camp, we hardly registered the people next to us and the RV's across the way were just our TV for the weekend. We tuned in only when we wanted amusement.

We went camping with Sarah. Our last adventure with her before she moves to California to be with Jesse. Sarah is an amazing camper. She rolled our tent and sleeping bags into impossibly tiny rolls and packed the car as expertly as a UPS employee. She loved swimming enough to brave the indoor unheated pool not just once, but twice. She also kept the boys entertained with card games when the parents needed a break. Sarah is the awesome.

The true masterminds of the trip were the Zarate family of Ulises, Erica and Oso. We were invited for the fun and are glad they shared their weekend with us. Thanks to them, we biked into Lanesboro on the Root River Bike Trail. We spent a great afternoon there having lunch, hanging out at the park and partaking in wine tasting at the local winery. We had a meet up snafu, so we missed having dinner with them and attending the live local version of "A Prairie Home Companion." Instead we were stuck eating to live music so painful we considered shoving our knives into our ears, but since we wanted them for later, we resisted the urge.

The last day we packed up and went in search of a cave tour. We were thinking of going to the Mystery Cave, but chose the Niagara Cave instead, since it was closer. We skipped eating in Lanesboro and headed for Harmony on the way to the cave. Unfortunately, all of the restaurants (3) in town were closed but there was a grocery store open. We bought fried chicken and potato salad from the deli and ate it at a picnic table we found behind the town bank. The cave was fantastic, but so was heading home. At that point, we were ready for civilization again.

One other facet of the trip worth mentioning was the weather. While we didn't get rained out , we were ill prepared for the chilly evenings. At night, fog descended and the temperature dropped so low we could see our breath. Noah and Stan slept through it all, but Sarah and I were shivering. We should have gotten up and layered our clothing, but even the thought of leaving our sleeping bags was torturous. Thankfully, we learned from our mistake, and the second night we put on 2-3 layers of pants, shirts, sweatshirts and socks. That night it was cold outside, but inside the tent we were warm, or at the very least, not dying of cold.

Camping rocks. I hope to do it at least once more this summer!

Best Idea EVER

OMG. So should have done this at my wedding.

Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

Why you cryin?

How to impress a hipster

Tips on how to fit in with people who are cooler than you.

I just read. . .

Echos From The Dead by Johan Theorin.

5 out of 5.

Great book. Interesting. Balanced just right.

I am going to list books as I finish them. Hopefully this will help me begin my list again vs. when I was trying to do it monthly.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Birthday to me.

Last week was my birthday. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. In just one week, two days are set aside to celebrate my life and my motherhood.

I am struck by how lucky I am in my life. We live in a safe country, state, city and neighborhood. My kid has many friends on our block which he loves to play with. He goes to a good public school. We can pay our bills and both Stan and I have stable jobs.

Seriously, my biggest concerns are:

1. Credit card debt (how fast can we pay it off?)
2. Losing weight.

Those are not huge concerns in the grand scheme of things, especially since #1 was achieved by means of not putting Noah in daycare the first 5 years of his life. Yes, that was a HUGE sacrifice on our part, but we are proud that Noah was cared for by his parents vs. strangers. We got to experience all of the stages he went through. We didn't miss a thing, and for that, we are grateful.

And #2? Well, that is my own fault. Such is life, and all that jazz.

Seriously though, I am happy. I have learned a lot in the past year and gained insight and focus that make me feel wiser. I have gained friends that drive me to become a better person, to use my talents, my education and my skills. These people also make me laugh, which is especially useful when I am crying.

I know this is all maudlin, sentimental sounding crap, but I really do feel that 35 has been a year of growth and preparation for action. 36? You better watch out!

Now I am not just afraid of clowns. . .

I am terrified of them.

I blame the parents.

I ca't believe it either!

What Nightmares Are Made of.

UPDATE: Even better? He's a registered sex offender.

I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep again.

Roger Ebert is the man.

Seriously. I loved reading his article: "Why I believe in God."