I didn't mean it that way.

While getting a massage, I've had clients say some things they don't really mean to be naughty, but since they are lying there naked, it's sometimes hard not to hear it that way.

Like:

"You can go a little deeper."

"Wow, you can really feel everything inside me."

"Mmmm . . . perfect pressure."

"You really know how to work slow and deep."

"I like it."

"Do you do men/women/kids?"

"I'm going to send my husband/wife/kid/friend to you. S/he'll love your touch."

Then there's the moaners and groaners. Stan sure misses hearing moans of pleasure coming from a room where his wife is massaging a naked man. Although usually it just made him laugh.

Yup. I've got me a great profession.

How quickly one can fuck up, without even trying.

Last week I started having lunch with Noah on Thursdays. He has to go to the after school program Thursdays and Fridays so this gives me a chance to see him and break up the monotony of being in the same building for 8 and 1/2 hours a day for the little sprite.

Last week all was rainbows and pink clouds raining hearts and candy. This week they got to the lunchroom early and all was doom, gloom and the seventh circle of a Scooby Doo cartoon where they are convinced that this time the monster is real and they are in mortal peril.

Noah had forgotten I was coming for lunch and had promised to bring pizza. He was in the lunch line, fighting back tears as he thought his mom had forgotten to pack him a lunch. In our world, not so big of a thing, but in the world of a kindergarten boy, it was Armageddon.

When we got to the table he crawled up on my lap and started bawling. He thought he lost his lunch and I would be mad. He also thought maybe I forgot to pack him one and why would I do that? Didn't I love him? Did he do something wrong?

By the end of lunch he was feeling better, but he still was clingy and that endured throughout recess and into their "R & R" time afterwards. I stayed, at his request for "just a little more time mommy . . . please don't leave yet mommy." We did puzzles and he stayed glued to my lap. Finally it was time for me to go and for Noah to join his class for circle time. I got a big hug and kiss and then my boy valiantly joined the others for four more hours at school.

You try and you try, but the best intentions can still make your kid cry.

Lisa Keathly: Massage Therapist

The new job is going well (so far).

I am super busy. This means lots of clients, money and sore muscles in about that order.

Being away from home so much is hard and Noah is not taking to the long days at school and Rec Plus very well. I hope once he gets used to it all will go smoothly.

I am off to shower and dress up for work. Yes, I actually wear something besides jeans now!

More on the job soon (but not too much, this is a public forum after all).

I did nothing and it was everything I thought it would be.

Today I celebrated my last official day of unemployment.

I got Noah ready for school, packed his lunch and dropped him off for the day.

Then I came home, let the dog out and went back to bed for four glorious wonderful hours.

After that I had lunch, watched TV, changed clothes and walked up to school to pick Noah up. Following our homecoming I visited with neighbors and enjoyed the beautiful weather.

Now I will make dinner, go to yoga and spend the night with my guys.

Today, I rested for tomorrow I work.

My next tattoo.

I have decided to get a tattoo of a bluebird to represent my Grandpa, who was very special to me.

He called his 1998 Oldsmobile Delta "the blue bird" and babied that big blue boat. Despite his love for that machine, he still allowed my older sister and I to learn to drive in it. I remember the car always smelled like him and he called Oldsmobiles "Osmobiles."

Here's some ideas:

I like the branches and berries on this one. It has a watercolor vibe, which is cool. The bird just needs more blue.

Maybe I should get one in flight? This one looks like it's about to run into barbed wire though.

I like the coloring of this one.

I like this one because the bird is sitting on a barbed wire fence, which reminds me of my Grandpa's farm. My grandpa loved watching the sun set so maybe the bird could be chilling on the wire, watching the sun set.

Ideas? Comments?

Noah's first day of kindergarten a.k.a. Please pass the tissues.

The boy loves to pose.

The boy also loves his new skull backpack.

He has his lunch and is ready for school!

Or a modeling career.

It's so easy it is to induce a full blown panic attack. Who knew!?!

Tonight was going to be all about getting Noah ready for school. Packing his bag, picking out his lunch items, deciding on a outfit, etc.

Instead we ended up at the stupid neighbor's house for an impromptu birthday party for their 6 year old.

We got back at bedtime and now I need to get Noah's things together, study for my massage licensing exam (which is at 10:30 AM tomorrow morning) and get a decent night's sleep.

Fuck that shit. Part one is done. Now I'm opening me a bottle of wine.

Good night, sweet in-home business, good-bye.

I have one appointment scheduled for this Saturday. After that, I am officially closing Keathly Massage.

I will be sending postcards out to my clients to let them know of the change. It will be sad for them, but I am nothing but excited. I start my new job next week doing massage at a salon/spa. They are reliably busy, so I will have a stable income. I will also have benefits.

I will be $90 vs. the $45 I was charging at home. If you don't mind paying the difference, great!

If you do mind, e-mail me and I will give you recommendations for a new therapist.

I take the St. Paul massage therapist licensing test on Thursday. I start working on Wednesday. Noah starts school tomorrow. Life is certainly changing, for good.

The Great MN Get Together

Sunday we went to the fair (last Sunday that is) and a great time was had by all. We have learned from experience, and Jesse would have been not only proud, but not annoyed in the slightest by our ways of partaking in the Fair experience.

FIRST LESSON: Use a park and ride close to home, not close to the Fair. Last year we had the unfortunate experience of thinking we were parking at a Park and Ride when actually we had joined up with some Saint's game fans. Then we went to three Park and Rides before finding one that wasn't full.

This year we parked near Broadway and Industrial Blvd. Not even 10 minutes later we were on a bus and shortly thereafter, at the Fair. It was smooth, like buttah.

Noah hanging at the Park and Ride in style, waiting for the bus.

We met up with friends right away and headed for the food building. We started with fries, gyros and cheese curds. All the Fair favorites were consumed that day, including cotton candy:

Noah, yet again in the stroller, getting a sugar rush. Note Daddy on the bench and the inflatable Scooby Doo we bought for him riding on top of the stroller.

Yes, that's right, we are on to LESSON NUMBER TWO: Have a Fair Agenda. Not only did we have an agenda, but we had a map (I can never get my bearings at the Fair or remember where things are). So we had a plan, and a route. This way we saw what we wanted to without all that nasty backtracking.

Besides the regular Fair merriment, Noah got to play with Avery, who he hadn't seen in awhile and missed very much. Outside of the DNR Building they got to run and chase each other around while we rested our tired old legs.

"I'm gonna get you!"

Then they proceeded to tie each other up in a very innocent, non-kinky fashion.

"Now that I have you, I will tie you up and keep you forever!"

The end of our Fair journey was flown solo. B felt ill, Wenda needed to get little Avery home early and Craig and Terrie voted for the Horticulture building over the Kidway. Noah went on a couple of rides and then asked me to ride with him on the Ferris Wheel and a scary looking ride called The Tugboat. Picture a scene from The Perfect Storm and you'll get the idea. It wasn't as bad as it looked though and Noah now has ammunition to use against me, "Ha, ha! You were scared!" He also asked for a picture next to a pirate ride.

"Grr! I'm a pirate!"

"No, really, it's just me, Noah!'

Seven hours and $100 later we went home. It's different going to the Fair now that we have to split our time between what Noah wants to do and what we want to do, but it was still fun. I didn't get to see all of the exhibits I wanted too, but I'll be damned if I spend more than one day a year at the Fair. After all, I have to start on my agenda for next year.

Paranoid Parent

Noah is starting school and I want to get him a watch with GPS. Does this make me overprotective? Crazy?

I don't want to get him a phone with GPS, although that would be the cheapest option. Phones aren't allowed in school so he wouldn't be able to carry it around on his waist or in his pocket.

That leaves me with a watch or something else that attaches to Noah. Like the Chitter Chatter Phone from Hop-On. Unfortunately, it's not released yet. They are telling the public that it will only cost $50. You can call the watch anytime to get a GPS reading on where your kid is. They can also push the star button to alert you to a change in their location, or push one of the other picture buttons to call home, mom, dad or 911. I don't know if it would be allowed in school, it is a phone after all, but it doesn't have a ringer and he could hide it under long sleeves.

The chitter chatter phone which I would not oder in pink.

But, as I said, it's not available yet and who knows when or if it will be. That sucks, because it is cheaper than watches with only GPS, like the Wherify Watch at $179:


You actually lock this on your child's wrist. If someone tries to pry it off, it emits a LOUD alarm. There is also a panic button that calls 911 with the child's location. The monthly fee ranges from $20 - $45. It also gets pages, which is an option I'm not really interested in.

Other GPS watches that look like a normal watch start at $400.

Sigh. I don't know if I can realistically make this happen, unless I find a really good deal. I honestly don't know why this technology is so expensive. You can get a phone with GPS in it for $50. Why is plain old GPS four times that much?

If any technogeeks out there have other ideas, please let me know.

Rockin the playground.

Because image is everything, especially in kindergarten, I bought Noah this:

Skurvy Pirate Backpack from Small Paul.

Tell me he will not be the coolest kindergartener at Waite Park Elementary. I dare you.

Silly Keathly Boys

Noah's goatee is the awesome.

This is what Stan will look like when he's old.

The boy came home from a day at Como Zoo with Grandma transformed into a tiger. Grr!!!!

The coolest craft sale fundraiser in MPLS organized by Crafty Planet

Let's all go, shall we? A drink at Grumpy's and fabulous crafts to buy? I say AWESOME.

If you have something to contribute (pictures maybe, Jesse and Sarah?) that would be rockin' cool as well. I'm going to crochet up a baby sweater, hat and bootie set for the event. I'm couch-ridden anyhow, so I might as well make the most of it.

Here's the info:

The 35W bridge collapse has affected us all, personally and as a community. Although most of us can't do much to build the bridge back up, we can do something to support the families of those injured or lost.

In response to this tragedy, some of your local crafting friends will be hosting--

A Stitch In Time Saves Craft Sale

Grumpy's Downtown
1111 Washington Ave S.
September 6, 2007
6:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.

We hope you will be able to join us!

In case you're asking... How Can I Help?

(1) Are you a crafter or an artist? Do you know someone who is? Craft like crazy (make them craft like crazy) and drop off/send your donations to:

Crafty Planet
2318 Lowry Avenue NE Minneapolis, MN 55418

Please have your name/website/contact information along with pricing on your item(s). Donations should be received at Crafty Planet no later than September 1, 2007. (If you're not sure you'll make that deadline, please just give us a heads-up to know something's coming!)

(2) Are you a retailer, gallery, group leader, or part of a crafty community? Please put this notification in your next newsletter or send a special email to your contact list. Spread the word! Also, please consider donating to the show. (Talk to your tax person - you may be able to write it off!)

(3) SHOP, SHOP, SHOP!!! Please join us at Grumpy's Downtown on September 6. Doors will open at 6:00 p.m. for crafty shopping goodness! All proceeds and donations will go to the Minnesota Helps - Bridge Disaster Fund.

Questions? More details? Just want to chat? Drop us a line at AStitchInTimeSaves@gmail.com.

Sick, sick, sick, sick.

Tuesday morning at 7:30 AM I was at my friend's house with Noah, bright tailed and bushy eyed, to babysit her kids for the day.

Ella is 4 and Ben is 2. Ella is my favorite, since she was the only one to wake up clean. Ben, on the other hand, not so much. Kid got the flu in the night and somehow, unbeknown to his parents, vomited, went back to sleep and rolled in it until I finally woke him up at 10:15. The kid is usually up by 9 at the latest, so I knew something was up. I just didn't know it would involve me cleaning up a superfund site.

First I washed the kid from head to toe attacking the cement like goo until he was finally clean. Then I had to strip the entire crib, clean the crib and the floor.

Then came the big D - twice.

By the time his mom was able to check her voice mail and call it was 12:30 and he had just been put down in a clean crib for a nap. I knew he would crash out for a long time, so I let her stay at her training.

Results: Last night Noah vomited three times in the night and is now having a party on the other side.

Karma. She is a true bitch.

Jesse's Kraken

Me. I bought it. He. He gets it.

Monday is bill paying day.

And yes, now that you mention it, there are better things I could be doing with my money.

Say it like it is.

Life changes.

My new job starts October 29th and is full time for almost two months while I'm in training. That means pulling the old 9-5 shift for awhile.

That also means Noah is now going to be in full day kindergarten. I was against it while we had the option of him coming home to me. Now having him in school from 9:10 to 3:25 every day will be a godsend. My late start date give us plenty of time to help Noah settle into his school routine with Momma at the ready if he needs help.

Five years of living on one solid income is over. We may be in debt, but we pulled off raising our kid outside of a daycare. He's more than worth all of the sacrifice.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

Woooo-Hooo!!

Whee!!!

Working through procrastination

This morning Noah and I cuddled up and watched hours of cartoons until he "felt better." I don't think he was really sick. I think he just needed some down time. Either way, it was nice.

I showered and was going to tackle some projects, but did different ones instead. Instead of finding the drill and installing the hook rack in the bathroom I bought months ago, I cleaned out the linen closet. Then we cleaned Noah's room. I realize he needs hangers, so we are off to Target.

When I was a kid, I was the housekeeper and cook. I even did the grocery shopping with the same metal laundry cart I used to bring the clothes to the laundry room in our apartment building. Now a days, I really do like things clean, neat and orderly. But I also want to give taking care of people a big "fuck you!" since my psyche is already overworked from my past job.

More counseling might help. Or a well paying job so I can hire someone to clean for me. That would be elevens.