My Birthday Kicked Ass

After consuming lots of tequila:

And bunny cake:

I'm very surprised that we didn't find someone passed out by the firebowl in the morning. And yes, by "someone" I mean me.

Thanks to all for coming over and hanging out with me on my palindrome birthday. I won't have another one until I'm 44 after all. And a special "thanks" to Jacquie for the bunny cake and to Grandma Reade for entertaining Noah.

Happy Mother's Day

Wow. What a picture. It's so beautiful.

This baby has woken her up every 2 -4 hours around the clock to suck on her and keep her from getting the sleep she so desperately needs. This baby has probably woken up after only 20 minutes of sleep happy and wanting her to amuse him, despite the fact that she hasn't had more than two hours sleep in the last 17 hours.

The miracle is that she doesn't beat the living shit out of this child. The miracle is that, after all of this, she still looks at the baby with love and admiration.

That is what being a mom is all about. Your kids will push you to the edge. They will dare to treat you like shit more than any other person in the world. And in return you look at them with love and admiration for the person they have become.

That, my friends, is a mom. And that is why we get mother's day.

I got to sleep in, eat food I didn't make and have my husband (my wonderful hushand) put my son to bed for me. Thanks, Stan, for giving me a day off and letting me know how much my boys think of me and love me.

Happy Mom's day . . . to me.

I Will Miss My Jesse

It is 12:30 on Saturday night. Stan, Jesse and I are hanging out. Stan is being the "backseat driver" as Jesse plays Riddick. A couple minutes ago Stan, the pacifist father of one said: "You should just shiv this guy. Have you gotten rid of the shiv? You could just twist his neck since you don't have a weapon, or maybe use a screwdriver."

Sitting here on the couch with the two of them reminds me of when Stan and I were dating and he and Jesse would be on their computers programming things that I still can't understand. With Stan, I had finally found the guy that made my best friend his best friend. Actually, he made him his brother. Jesse is family He is our brother, our son, our best friend.

We will miss him in far out Anoka land.

T-shirts I Need for my Birthday

Brendan Benson Ladies T L

Teen Girl's Squad Ladies T XL

Penny Arcade Shirt Ladies T XL

Salt T Men's L

Cinco de Mayo, I mean Lisa.
Friday night, May 5th, 7 PM.
The Keathly's house.
Pizza, alcohol and a bunny cake (thanks Jacquie!!).
Y'all are invited.
Presents a must.

How the Keathly Family "does" Easter

It was fun to host for the holidays. We had it all.

Smoking
(Aunt Nemy hiding Easter eggs with a cig hanging from the side of her mouth was priceless.)

Drinking
(5 bottles of wine and a case of beer consumed by 10 people.)

Family
('nuff said)

Family Drama
(Not really.)

And awesome highlights.
(I did them myself!)

Best of all though, was Noah.

What an awesome way to welcome spring!

B&B&B

Stan and I escaped from our kid and responsibilities last weekend and were well cared for at the Round Barn Farm B&B&B in Red Wing, MN. It was our first vacation in five years. Five years, people! That is a long time.

A short summary:

1. The B&B&B is too close to the train tracks, otherwise everything was perfect. You'd love it. Just wear the recommended earplugs to bed.
2. Antique stores = Pricey junk. Shop at Goodwill instead.
   
3. The Port Restaurant in The St James Hotel was horrible. All the reviews lie.
   
4. We had better food at The Liberty Diner and spent 75% less for it. The special of the day was wild rice hotdish. Excellent.
   

We came home to a crabby kid and a broken car. Huzzah!

Blizzard Shmizzard

Who would I drive to the airport in near-blizzard conditions with my most precious 3 year old cargo in tow? Jesse & Jacquie, that's who. I didn't realize just how bad it was until I was walking out to the car in almost a foot of snow with more coming down and a wicked wind blowing through my coat and sweater. It was a 2 1/2 hour round trip, but I made it safe and sound.

Here's the fun things I saw:

35W South: A car that had slid and snapped off it's rear axle. Tough break.

The intersection before Lyndale & Franklin: A Sysco Foods Semi hit a street signal light head on and dented in the middle of it's hood. I was surprised that the pole hadn't bent instead. Most of the lights in the Uptown area were out. I had left the freeway to get some gas and then hopped back on.

35W North exit off of 94 East: A car was facing me as I approached the exit. Everyone else was blocking them from making a U-Turn so I stopped and let them escape. Must have been a fun spin out.

Hennepin & Stinson: A guy trying to shovel out his car in a suit and dress jacket. He looked cold.

Stinson and 35W: Stinson was blocked off by cop cars and barricades. Don't know why. Lights out here too.

Stinson near Saint Anthony Parkway: A HOM Furniture delivery truck was stuck and blocking the road. One guy was trying to push the almost semi sized truck. Now that's gumption!.

There were also cars stuck in snowdrifts, fishtailing, swerving, sliding and spinning like crazy.

I was so relieved to make it home I almost kissed the floor. Instead I went out and shoveled. Now it's time for a roaring fire and some hot tea.

Keep safe out there.

Banking at the Speed of Light

The cashier at Target screwed up and voided my $160.70 transaction. I found out that "void" means charge your account and then credit said account.

Charge happened immediately, seconds after said transaction.

36 hours later and I'm still waiting for the credit. Target told me the credit was processed immediately following the charge. What up, TCF?

FOX News Poll: 64% of Americans Hate America

Bravo TV Audience Poll: 64% of viewers thought Daniel V. should have won Project Runway.

Coincidence? I think not.

Bush Lied AGAIN

Three days after Katrina hit, Bush famously told the country on national television, "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.''¹ But, today, we can all watch the leading hurricane scientist in the country personally informing President Bush, 24 hours before the storm hit, that a levee breach was a "very, very serious concern."²

Although the original AP article and video focus on this clear contradiction, other major papers and television outlets have largely missed it.³ We know that one of the most effective ways to get the media to cover something is to get members of Congress to talk publicly about it—so calling Congress is our next step.

For those of you that live in MN please contact:

Senator Mark Dayton
Phone: 202-224-3244
District Offices:
Biwabik: 218-865-4480
East Grand Forks: 218-773-1110
Fort Snelling: 888-224-9043
Renville: 320-905 3007

Senator Norm Coleman
Phone: 202-224-5641
District Offices:
Mankato: 507-625-6800
St. Paul: 651-645-0323

Congressman Martin Sabo
Phone: 202-225-4755
Minneapolis District Office: 612-664-8000

Some members of Congress have already spoken up, and they need support. Others have not, and they need to hear that their constituents are counting on them to step forward. Please call Rep. Sabo and Sens. Dayton and Coleman today and ask them to speak out about the President's newly discovered failure and dishonesty in responding to Katrina.

Sources:

1. "Bush was told levees could fail, video shows," Seattle Times/AP, March 2, 2006 http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1511

2. "Video Shows Bush Warned before Katrina Hit," The Associated Press, March 01 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1506

3. "Bush not questioned about pre-Katrina briefing," KWTX news, March 02, 2006
http://www.kwtx.com/home/headlines/2395001.html

Thanks for Shopping eGay!

I have four words for you: Brokeback Mountain Pez Dispensers

Project Runway Spoiler

I found the pictures of the Project Runway Fashion Week Show. If you don't want to know what's in them, don't look any further!

First is Kara, the last one to be eliminated. She still got to show at Fashion Week to keep the final three a secret. Her collection blew me away. If she hadn't been eliminated, she would be my favorite for the win. Here's my favorite from her collection.

Is Chloe really clueless or does she just come off that way? The pouffy sleeves, that horrid pleated skirt, the fact that she did both again in her collection. Ick. Is this wanna be couture, or just prom hits the runway?

Daniel's collection was stiff. In a lot of pieces he did a weird pouff shoulder thing. I beg of you Daniel, do not bring back the 1980's!!! I still think he's going to win, but I was expecting a much stronger, more original showing.
I was dissapointed in Santino's collection. I guess they finally broke his spirit. There was no Santino funk. It was a sedated, borderline boring, collection.
Here's the link to all of the collections:
http://www.newyorkmetro.com/fashion/fashionshows/designers/bios/projectrunwaydesigners/

Take a look and tell me who you think is going to win!

This Country Scares Me

This week, revellers in New Orleans are showing that their spirit is alive, if not all that well. But it begs the questions: Do Americans even remember the tragedy is not over? That thousands are still without homes or jobs? That not even half of the population of New Orleans is back home, but living elsewhere? I'm happy to see that the people haven't given up on the city that the government did.

They are selling control of our portst to the United Arab Emirates.

They have initiated their plan to reverse Roe vs. Wade. (I'm sure some people out there will be surprised to find out that I am pro-choice. Let me say that whatever my moral viewpoint is, I believe that this is not a moral issue, but a legal one. Whether or not you believe it is right is not the issue. Whether you have the legal right is the issue.)

They let Cheney wield a gun, shooting live (not clay) birds, while drinking. And it's no big deal when he shoots someone.

Is that all? No, it's not. But it's damn well more than enough.

Wild Thing

Melody made Noah a Max costume from "Where the Wild Things Are". It is insanely cool:

He loves the gloves!

And the tail.

He wouldn't wear the crown, but everyone else did to make up for it.

Queen Mama

King Jeppa

King Daddy

Thanks Melody! You rock! We are looking forward to having you guys stay with us in May!

Everyone I Know Is Rooting For Daniel V.

And so am I. How couldn't I be? Just look at that sweet, down-home gay boy charm! He may hold back and stick to safe designs, but has pulled out more wins than any other designer. Even more than, gasp!, choke!, "I am the god of designing" Santino. And he's only 23. This is the guy who deserves to win, hands down.

Daniel V. "The Shit"

Yes, once again, Project Runway has taken over my life. I watch it, I Tivo it, I discuss it and mourn when my favorites lose. Speaking of favorites, here's a girl who's not: Chloe. She should have been out in the last challenge. Her dress was a home made prom dress gone bad. Why the producers thought we'd want to watch her vs. Kara is anyones guess. Yes, I know, Kara didn't put out like a good girl should, but still, her dress in the last challenge beat Kara's to a bloody pulp.

Chloe "Dead Air Filler"

And now, the last of the final three: Santino. Daniel V. called him a one trick pony and he was right. He only has one trick up his sleeve and we've seen him pull it out so much we've gotten BORED WITH HIM. Do you hear me Bravo!?! BORED. I don't even want to see him anymore! They think he's the amusing, lively Jay of the show, but he's just not. If he wins I will be pissed (as in mad, not drunk, although now that I think about it, maybe both would be good). He should have been out in Episode 10. His jumper for Kara was shit vs. Nick's admittedly girl suit for Daniel V. Why did he get off? Again, they think he's Jay II. And he's not.

Santino "Gigantic A-Hole Ego Boy"

I will be cheating and looking at the NY Fashion Week Photos before the last show airs. Keep posted for details (yeah, I know, you're soooo excited). And after this is over I have Project Jay and Top Chef (Which looks fantastic. Chefs are known for their egos and tempers. I dare say it will be better than Project Runway!) to hold me over till the next one airs. Bravo, bravo TV!!!

I'm it. Four Things.

Four Jobs I’ve Had

• Davanni's Worker
• Janitor at Minneapolis Veterans Home
• Stage Crew (Spotlight Jockey) at NW College
  
• Administrative Assistant for Risk Management Department
  

Four Films I Can Watch Over And Over

• Office Space
• The Jerk
• Say Anything
• Aliens
  

Four Places I’ve Lived

• Bloomington, MN
• Roseville, MN
• Falcon Heights, MN
• Minneapolis, MN
  

Four TV Shows I Enjoy

• Lost
• Project Runway
  
• Futurama
• Angel (how I miss you)
  

Four Places I’ve Been On Vacation

• Seattle, WA
• NY, NY
• Austin, TX
• Oh, Canada (Boundry Waters)
  

Four Of My Favorite Foods

• Pizza
• Steak
• Butter
• Salt
  

Four Sites I Visit Daily

• http://www.dooce.com
• http://www.fark.com
• http://www.boingboing.com
• http://jpmullan.com/

Four Places I’d Rather Be Right Now

• Visiting my sis in HI
• Really, anywhere tropical and warm will do
• Seattle, WA
• A massage table, getting a massage, not giving one, for a change.
  

Four Unspeakable Abominations

• Margarine
• Lite Salt
• TV Evangelists
• Having to wake up before 7 AM
  

Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse

• Barney the Dinosaur
• Moe Doodle
• Dee Dee Doodle
• Rooney Doodle
  

Four Calling Birds

• Sparrow
• Crow
• Blue Bird
• Squirrel
  

Four Awesome Names For Variables

• Absolut
• Smirnoff
• Skyy
• Ciroc
  

Four Bloggers I’m Tagging

• Jacquie
• Craig
• Damn it, doesn't anyone blog anymore?

Raising Cain

Noah has already discovered the sheer joy of jerking his parents around. Example:

"Dad! I'm ready for my first job . . . at the Saloon!"

Stan has an eplileptic fit. Literally.

Noah giggles at his amazing sense of humor.

While Momma attacks the T Rex

That was after her cider.

Yup. Just another evening with the Keathlys.

Ten Little Words Never Sounded Sooo Good.

"All second week jurors are now released from jury duty."

I have my life back!

Who wants to celebrate?

Quiz

WAAAAAHH!! You're inner Bombshell is the zany
Lucille Ball! You like making people laugh, but
also know how to turn on the glamour when the
time is right. To most guys you're the perfect
all-around gal. But sometimes you get into
trouble and have a heckuva time talking your
way out of it. You may be accident-prone on the
outside, but your a first class business woman
on the inside. A pioneer, so to say. Lucy can
still be seen hamming it up on her most famous
television series "I Love Lucy".


Who is your inner bombshell?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jury Duty - Day Two

I dropped Noah off at the neighbor's house at 8:30 AM. Actually, both Stan and I walked him there but Stan chickened out and split when Noah started saying he wanted to go home. So I had to leave the crying child, whose tears were ripping my heart out, and walk back in the frozen wasteland myself.

I sat in the jury room from 9 AM to 12 PM. Had lunch with Momma Reade at HCMC and then sat from 1:30 - 3:30 when they finally let us go home. Only 6 jurors were pulled from the pool of (I'm guessing) 50 people. You would think the government would find something useful for us to do when we're waiting. Like assembly line work. Really. Anything would be better than the bordeom of waiting. I am free until Monday. They will get a new batch of jurors that day so I am now, officially, on the second string team. I hope this means I won't get called in. Just my luck I'll get called in on the last day and put on a case that lasts FOREVER. . .

In summation, civic duty bites.

Jury Duty - Day One

Today I was called in for jury duty. I had to report at 1:30 PM. I endured orientation, which was only a woman speaking vs. the horrid movie they used to show. Most of the time I could zone out and read through it since some of the people in there had heard it before and you didn't have to pretend to pay attention. Two hours later they told me I could go home. The two judges that had said they needed juries settled the cases before the jurors were called to the courtroom.

What does this mean for me? It means that from 9:00 AM on tomorrow I am a bitch of the court. I may or may not be assigned to a case tomorrow. If I am, I am at the mercy of the judge and however long the case lasts. If I am not assigned to a case by 4:30 on Friday, I am again on call in status which means that my life is in flux, yet again.

It also means that my son is going to spend 8 + hours with a neighbor tomorrow and Friday. Something he has never had to do. So it sucks for both of us, but probably more for him. At 3 he does not understand that I can't control the world and be there when he wants me to. And of course, I will desperately miss him too.

Jury Freaking Duty

My first day on call for Jury Duty was great. That is, I didn't have to go in. The drill goes like this:

STEP ONE
6:30 PM I call in to find out if I have to be in at 9:00 AM the next day. If I don't I go to step 2:
STEP TWO
12:15 PM I call in to find out if I have to be in at 1:30 the same day.

So I didn't have to go in today and I don't have to go in tomorrow morning. But they did call the two groups before me to come in so I have a feeling I'll be in the basement of the Hennepin County Courthouse before the week is out.

This is the second time I've been called for jury duty. So many people I know have never been called in for jury duty. Why? It's not fair. You'd think they could run through everybody once and then start back at the beginning if they run out. But could the government really be that together? This amusing tidbit I read today answered the question for me.

TWO YEAR OLD CALLED IN FOR JURY DUTY

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - Kaylee Reynolds had a problem when she recently received a summons to serve on a jury. She wasn't old enough to read it.

The 2-year-old has quite a few years to go before she reaches the minimum age of 18 to serve on a state jury. Lucky for Kaylee, Massachusetts Jury Commissioner Patricia Reynolds seemed willing to let it slide for a while.

"We'll give her a 16-year grace period," Wood told The Standard-Times of New Bedford.

Wood guessed the mix-up could be traced to a local census form. If the form has a blank or mistaken birth date, July 4, 1776 is filled in.

"With that date we'll know it is wrong," Wood said.

Besides her questionable understanding of the concepts of guilt or innocence, there are other reasons why it's best to wait for Kaylee to serve. Her mother, Patricia, says Kaylee gets really cranky if she doesn't get her noontime nap.

Love is in the air. . . no wait, that's glass.

We've been here almost 5 years and have had our car broken into 3 times. Last night I got home from the store and not even 15 minutes later there was a knock on the door from our neighbor alerting us to our broken car window.

Damn stupid hoodlums! I admit that in high school I didn't know about insurance premiums or guess how much a broken car window could fuck up your schedule. But I still didn't break car windows. Instead I chucked glass bottles at retaining walls by the railroad tracks. All the satisfying glass explosions you want with no destruction of property or risk of jail time.

We're out $200. All contributions to the Keathly Window Replacement Fund are welcome!

Escapism

There is nothing like a good book with an excellent glass of wine to take the edge off of life. Mine doesn't suck in the "Katrina took my home and kids" kind of way, but I am sure as hell not living la vida loca either. So there are times that I take in the simple pleasures of life. And just look how happy it makes me:

In the picture I'm reading "The Bean Trees." I am too lazy to look up the author, but it was a good book. I also read "The Handmaidens Tale" by Margaret Atwood this week. What an amazing book! It is written in the early 1980's but shows what would happen if George Bush Jr. really did take over the U.S.A. Creepy. As in HOLY VERY OH MY GOD CREEPY.

Here's a partial description:
"In the Republic of Gilead, formerly the United States, far-right Schlafly/Falwell-type ideals have been carried to extremes in the monotheocratic government. The resulting society is a feminist's nightmare: women are strictly controlled, unable to have jobs or money and assigned to various classes: the chaste, childless Wives; the housekeeping Marthas; and the reproductive Handmaids, who turn their offspring over to the "morally fit" Wives. The tale is told by Offred (read: "of Fred"), a Handmaid who recalls the past and tells how the chilling society came to be.'

If you haven't read it, I highly recommend that you do. If anything it reminds us that, indeed, we do need to fight, for our right, to paaar-tay!

And in other news. . .

Noah may not be allowed to wear a pink Hello Kitty T-shirt to bed, but his big brother Jesse sure looks alluring in a pink and white fuzzy scarf. And from what I've heard through the bathroom vent, he's 100% NOT GAY.

What's up pussycat?

Poutums

It's a hard knock life for a 3 year old. At leaast that's what Noah tells me. He has this pouting thing down to a science. We usually tease him out of it or just wait, pretending patience. At least he looks cute when he's pouting. Observe:

"Poutums"

Christmas Eve Eve

On the Eve of Christmas Eve, Jesse's lady Jacquie, Mama Reade and Papa John came over for dinner and presents. We made Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes. Jesse rocked the gravy, as usual, and everyone loved their gifts and drank copiously. Observe:

Jacquie XO's Cindy Sherman

Noah is thrilled with his new shirt

and his new castle!

John recieves a new way to communicate drunkeness.

And Stan is thrilled with Jacquie's new Hello Kitty wallet.

That was the end of day one. Two more days of present opening (and drinking) to go!

Christmas Fun with Noah

We took Noah to see the Snow White display at Marshall Field's the Monday before Christmas. He thought the display was ok, but was very excited to see Santa.

Noah at the ball

Noah at the ball take two.

That night we decorated sugar cookies.

Noah surveying his art.

Noah devouring his art while wearing his Summit Brewing hat.

The CHRONICles of Narnia

Jesse and I saw The CHRONICles of Narnia last night. We both gave it a 4 1/2 stars out of 5.

The CG effects were amazing, Aslan rocked the house and the casting was great, except for Edmund who kept reminding me of Albert Ingalls from Little House and the Prairie.

The only other thing I didn't like was the Professor. He looked made up for the part, not like a real old man. But he was kind, eccentric and understanding, just like he should have been.

So . . . go see it already.

Cookies

We now have many kinds available.

Chocolate chip bars with little white and red santa candy heads in them.

Peanut butter with chocolate chips.

Sugar cookies - all decorated, only some with frosting.

Wish cookies (courtesy of the Fornells) Noah has declared them the "best cookies ever!" as evidenced by his ability to make not only the cookies break into three pieces (thus earning a wish) but breaking said pieces into three pieces with his karate chop technique. I assume that this means he gets four wishes a cookie, but that might be pushing his Scandinavian luck.

Anyhow, if your in the neighborhood, drop by for a cookie or two. We've even got some milk for ya.

Christmas is Coming, the Lisa's Getting Fat

Please put a few zillion pennies in my sack.

Seven days 'till Christmas. I have two people left to buy for and two homeade presents left to finish.

So things are pretty much under control.

Tomorrow Grandma is taking Noah to see Santa and the Christmas display downtown. Stay tuned for super cute pictures and cute ancidotes.

My Future Daughter In Law

Noah asked me if he could get married today. After giving my blessing, I asked who the lucky lady is. It wasn't his best friend Ella, or even his Mom (which I've been warned will happen). Instead it was an exotic alien female:

This pic is for the fellas.

I gotta admit, the kid's got taste.

ATTENTION LADIES!!! Jesse is off the market.

Jesse has himself a lady. Or, at least, she has herself a bitch, since she says Jesse is the one with the vagina. Either way, this means that Jesse as we now know him is gone. Even when he dated his ex-lady they/he spent a lot of time here. Now he has someone that he will run out of the house at a drop of the hat for with a big ol' happy grin on his face. Never mind that the Keathlys might need entertainment (i.e. chores done around the house/babysitting). The lady must be appeased!

I am happy for him, really, I am. We, as the parental unit, approve of his classy choice. But it is kind of sad to slip a rung down in the importance of Jesse's life. Oh well, bird's gotta fly. I just hope he comes home to visit sometimes.

The Latest For Baby - Tatoos

What every baby needs. Just in time for Christmas!

America Lovin' Baby

Hard Knocks Baby

Koi Lovin' Child

Xmas Presents for Jesse

Because the vibrating pillow alarm clock just doesn't cut it.

There's "Clocky: The Rolling Alarm Clock." Clocky rolls off your nightstand, bounces off your startled dog and finds a new place to hide once you press the snooze button.

Or the "Blowfly Alarm Clock." When the alarm activates, it spins a propeller and flies up above you making ridiculous noises. The only way to stop it is to wake up, grab it, and set it back down in its docking station.

Technology is the awesome.